My niece asked if she can list me as an emergency contact for field trips and sleepovers and I was like “my child, I would literally grow wings and fly to you if you needed me.”

Turtle has a way of sinking all of her weight onto one paw that she mashes into my boob.

My mom is making tea because my parents are spending the night before I take them to the airport in the morning and my dad is like “Look at your mother, she takes my breath away” and she’s wearing an oversized crown royal shirt.

I don’t know why I got so hopeful that I would get an email about an interview or a job right now.

Showing this to my roommate on 420 because it’s our future

POV you have a chili dog and I want it.

“Living with you is not not like living with Beetlejuice”

- my roomie.

I’ve been told the wallpaper in the bedroom is also haunting.

It was very very important that this wallpaper was the first thing I put in my house.

My couch is judging me

I used to cyber sext over AOL instant messenger because I AIM to please.

I’m taking a date to see Jackass 2 and it feels like I’m introducing him to my parents.

I finished my work I can have my cake

I FINISHED.

Everything is making me cry because I have a lot on my plate and my fucking period won’t even go away but I’m crying even harder because I really want a piece of cake but I can have it until my work is completed.

Sinatra

Oh my god

I tried to type “Evil Dead” and instead typed “Deviled Egg”

Every few weeks a woman in my neighborhood, sometimes but not always me, but always a woman. That will just sit on the porch and listen to My Way and stare out into the street.

Showing my roommate this and watching her like I’m introducing her to a family member

She also made poached bananas in cinnamon and coconut milk and oatmeal.

She made three.

Thank you!!

Oh No She Has A Crush by Vanessa Guerrero on Apple Music Playlist · 29 Songs

music.apple.com/us/playlist/...

I was so sick with food poisoning so my mom came over and made me a homemade tortilla with butter 🥹

I have a playlist for when you’re Down Bad for someone.

I also take that

My anxiety may be powerful but I’m armed with klonopin and a warm tub.

Oh so everyone was excited to harass a lesbian for no reason?

Thank you so much!