Lol

🙏

They should write a song about a tart Caroline, maybe even a savory Caroline.

"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."
What a stupid quote. I'm killing way more than two people, idiot

I love having ADHD because feeling ashamed is my comfort zone

so what I'm hearing here is that I need to annoy more people for this to be a profitable endeavor

We're not allowed to talk about Willy Wonka's later years when he fashioned a guillotine from butter brickle.

sure sex is great but have you ever told someone how you actually feel

A screenshot of a post about weed with 4 reposts and 20 likes.

Lol

420? Oh, I've got some numbers for you, how about 1012? As in the dang 10 Commandments and the 12 Apostles, go to church, you stoners!

simplified, in the lowest terms, happy 1/5

ME: Do you have blueberry muffins?

THEM: We have blueberry scones.

ME: Thank you. Can you list all of the things that are nothing like what I asked about?

I will be on Bluesky all day to monitor for marijuana posts and will notify the police if necessary.

"Still no? You drive a hard bargain.
What if I added a cherry on top?"

Me, as a high ranking diplomat: How about if I said "pretty please?"

unc so chopped mix him with mayo and call him waldorf

don’t invite me to your party unless you have a mystery for me to solve

Miss Cleo foresaw all of this but I was too cheap to call that 1-900 number

longing for simpler times (like back when Bart Simpson was the spokesman for Butterfinger)

How about now? 💅

I tried this line at the bar once, didn't work.

👍

Hello, I would like to waste 3 seconds of your time. Thank you.

*pops open the hood of the earth*
There's your problem, it's full of people.

I hope the robot that gets sent to kill me during the machine uprising looks like a dog.