[Walking into the bank]

I see debt people

i think i want to be a decommissioned lighthouse when i grow up

Based on how the internet is going I’m investing in ham radio

don't you wish your gf ran hot like me

thermostat a comfortable 63°

can't, I'm letting the dogs out

a truly nightmarish dystopian future 📽️

I bet Lady Liberty could get more clout if she smiled more

like to add ® and ’ any time I submit online forms because I know that some developer is going to see it and wonder if they have a bug

The online video of an unreleased demo is okay. Game was definitely not polished—had potential.

I feel like enough time has passed to officially put this in the “dad movie hall of fame. This is the sort of thing dads will happily watch on TNT for the next twenty years

two images of the human body's circulatory system. One of them with good cable management

The human circulatory system, before and after proper cable management.

Germany just activated its largest ever solar installation — one farm, 1.5 million homes, zero carbon. The #CottbusSolarPark covers 3,500 hectares and produces 2.1 tw-hours annually, replacing two coal plants that operated on this same land until 2022. #SolarPower #ActOnClimate #Renewables

Rockwell Painting man standing up

“My eyeline implies that the stage where the people I’m looking at is, like, 30 feet high.”

Crash Bandicoot ass boardwalk

They should make power and yard tool manufacturers standardize their rechargeable batteries so you can use brand x battery on brand y drill, and charge it with brand z charger, etc.

I saw the trailer for the new Toy Story movie and I get that we all love Cowboy and Buzz and Potato Willy but these fucking things need to stop whining about getting old so much and pick up a hobby

If I ever suspect one of you is visiting in the area, I’ll probably be less likely to leave my house.

in the Cars universe, tire pix are the equivalent of human feet pix

My Ancestry dot com results showed that my body is 60% a wonderland.

A striped cat appears to be “yelling” at a kitten with the exact same coloring. The kitten’s eyes are wide open and their ears pinned back.

you just know somebody’s being called by their full name right now

So good

to defeat math you need to think like a number

A package of Marvel Superhero Squad toys with Punisher and Ghost Rider. The bottom of the package says it's for ages three and up.

Who does your toddler like more: the grizzled Vietnam vet with PTSD, or the demon-possessed biker?

Rolaids does not spell relief.

Relief spells relief. Dummies.

I gave some Prozac to a mourning dove and now it's just a dove.

Going to start referring to Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits as Reddy Cheddars

I hate when my brain has too many tabs open

We all have days like this

*flashlight under chin*

And legend has it, if you leave out a bottle of Mike’s Hard Lemonade on the night of a full moon, you might be awakened by the rattling sound of a chain wallet and the smell of pomade wafting through the air.

The engine had a real even flow.