So...at work we have a code system
If there is a hot guy spotted, it's "You want a Dr. Pepper?"
A hot girl? "You want a Pepsi?"
Now we have taken it up a notch
"Last call for Dr Pepper/Pepsi!"
I'll let you guess what this means
The panhandle is definitely the South (trust me, I have relatives there) but once you get past Tallahassee then, yeah, it's NY
Screenshot of a txt msg
Screenshot of a txt msg
Screenshots of actual text msgs I have already had to send out this morning😡
And how's your day going?
I'm sure THAT hurricane will be the nicest, sweetest hurricane with the best fashion sense ever!
Went to Panera to grab a salad
Met by the most disinterested cashier ever!
After our "interaction" I noticed the self order kiosk, turned to her and said in the sweetest voice I could muster
"If I knew I was going to be such an inconvenience to you, I would have used that."
The look she gave me
🧊🥶🧊
I really don't care! 😜
Oh, the advantages of having a friend as the GM of my gym!
" I saw you walking that hot ass guy around the gym today! I must know who he is!"
5 minutes later...
Text msg with name, number and profession
He's a lawyer!
BAM!
You know, I shouldn't complain, but it's hard living in the vicinity of so many college campuses in the springtime and having to see all these shirtless joggers everywhere.
I'm mean, it's HARD!
I do crunches TWICE a day now!
Yup, Cap'n in the morning and Nestlé's at night!
A friend asked me to help decorate his new apartment
Friend: Any ideas?
Me: I found a lampshade
Friend: That's it?
Me: It's a work in progress
Friend: I move in next week!
Me: Dude, it's an great lampshade!
Poe-key-mon
I think
3rd guess😁
So... Is it Poke bowl, as in "you'll poke your eye out", or is it Poke bowl, as in Pokemon minus the mon?
Asking for a friend
Track of my Uber eats driver
What does this mean? That my Uber Eats driver is arriving by plane?
Well, I've learned a new tactic with my guys!
(Especially after the "shenanigans" that have been going on lately)
When they come up to me, I just look at them with the most somber face and say "I am so disappointed."
Apparently, this causes them to spill the tea with a quickness!
Whoa!
Ol Petey needs a hand as well
I didn't get it either. I mean, the dad wasn't bad to look at but other than that...
My favorite movie of all time!!! Remember when, where and who I saw it with. Can't wait for the sequel!
@rstevies.bsky.social you're not cool unless you do it!
There, Goose. You're welcome.
What chain?
Oh, up there.
I want a boyfriend/husband so on the anniversary of our meeting I can surprise him with a Persian rug on a secluded beach at sunset with a picnic basket filled with his favorite food surrounded by mosaic lanterns and play him this song
Yes, I'm a hopeless romantic
music.youtube.com/watch?v=6mHI...
Forgot all about that song! Will have to investigate this one! Now I'm interested!
Unpopular opinion:
People who back in to parking spaces are either criminals looking for a quick get away... or just insane
That is all
A first for me
Had to say goodbye to one of my guys this morning
He's going to serve a 12yr federal prison sentence
He's a good kid
He knows he broke the law and is ready to serve his term
He's okay with it
I am not
This sucks
Gonna miss you, B
"I can't stand just one size!"😂 Me too, gurl!
I am convinced that blasting hard EDM while driving in rush hour traffic makes me invincible
Look at them all praying. God, smite them all!
Me: Jude, do the pinata thing!
Jude: I love the pinata thing!
Boss: What's the pinata thing?
Me: Don't worry about the pinata thing.
Boss: There will absolutely NOT be any pinata things going on at work!!!
Jude and I: Ok
(FYI: There is no pinata thing)
Day 1 of working both jobs 3 days in a row. Need a little motivation!
🎶 Keep dancin', let's keep dancin'..."
music.youtube.com/watch?v=e-Le...
I've got a nosebleed! I have never had a nosebleed! EVER! WTH?!?!