when squidward said cut a bitch off like the hash slinging slasher i felt that

this intelligence seems a little artificial to me

thank you mothman

hi bluesky friends it’s been a while

hold my beer i’m about to monologue

there’s a chill in the air which means borderline by tame impala goes back on the playlist

i support gay rights and also gay wrongs

i know CEOs of small companies actually do stuff but wtf is the point of one in a huge company that’s basically ran by everyone else

apple cash is monopoly money that works irl

planning dates around my hair wash schedule

the phineas and ferb get busted in candace’s dream episode emotionally ruined me as a child

not now babe i’m eating leftover pad thai in bed

i’m not a girlboss or a girlfailure but a secret third thing

i’m a thought leader in being a hater

tipping chatgpt for its services

is the new mitski album boring as hell or am i cured

*corporate voice* Good morning Bluesky, and happy Monday!

when i was a young boy, my father took me into the city to see a marching band. now THATS parenting!

fuck it chicken in the marinade

(after getting aggressively passed by a lifted pickup truck when i’m already speeding) there’s always a bigger fish

a nobel prize for posting

you’re so real for that

convinced that if i start using my car horn regularly i’ll become corrupted and turn evil

how it feels trying to drive in new shoes

i only respond to my dating app matches on company time

i’m a critically acclaimed poster

bluesky please let me post images this morning omg

i successfully fought off the urge to impulse buy an ipad because i am a genius

if kissing was real it would be illegal

who gave Football my phone number