A tabletop gamer is found in a pit filled with concrete, with a tin box resting on the top. Suspicion falls on Titley Close’s witch, confused that a busload of Daleks might threaten the town’s largely potpourri-based economy.

A local homeopath is found with blood pouring out of every orifice. Suspicion falls on Great Auburn’s mermaid society, frightened that a nearby NATO airbase might threaten Causton’s chances at winning the Village of the Year award.

A meteorologist, who’d been feeling a bit under the weather of late, is found as the victim of a backyard laboratory CRISPR experiment gone wrong. Suspicion falls on Acock Green’s fiddlers association, angry that a bitter feud between local academics might threaten a new financial crisis.

A huge fan of pineapple on pizza is found thrown out of a double decker bus. Suspicion falls on Acock Green’s strawberry-pickers association, worried that the resurgence of vinyl LPs might threaten 16 more murders.

A woebegone lexicographer is found fallen into a trapdoor. Suspicion falls on Cocklake’s most notorious, right-wing troll, upset that a police-car-fender-eating goat might threaten Donald Trump Jr's sponsorship of Craig Revell-Horwood's rescue dog.

A recovering cheese addict is found poisoned with hair dye. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Chettham’s golf purity society, upset that a new wind farm might threaten a cursed were rabbit.

The village’s bespectacled creationist is found driven to suicide. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Chettham’s famous magician, Gideon Latimer, angry that a disturbingly high Gini coefficient might threaten reruns of Are You Being Served.

An ancient mariner is found dead after drinking a cocktail contatining ancient bacteria fom glacier ice. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Abbas’ infosec community, deeply concerned that the end of local tobacco production might threaten supplies of English breakfast tea.

A ladies' man is found smeared with cow manure and eaten by dogs. Suspicion falls on Goodman’s Land’s chief medical officer, obsessed that pig farm effluent might threaten the production of gay porn.

An overpaid HM Revenue & Customs worker is found murdered by a true crime podcast producer. Suspicion falls on Little Crosby’s genetics society, angry that a violent sub-culture might threaten to chop down the millenia-old yew tree.

A local violin maestro is found magnetised to a steel sculpture of Lakshmi Mittal. Suspicion falls on Cockup Upper’s Mosley appreciation society, deeply concerned that dead shrubbery might threaten the closure of the miniature village.

A young Bluesky engineer with unfathomable insight is found crushed by gym equipment. Suspicion falls on South Horton’s amateur grenade-making society, upset that late capitalism might threaten the world’s Bog snorkelling championship.

An antique dealer is found as the life of the party despite being dead several days. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Chancy’s Brexiteers, worried that a giant, runaway inflatable duck might threaten Geoff, the last surviving resident of Midsomer.

The disinherited son of a Marquess is found flying from the village flagpole. Suspicion falls on Luxton Deeping’s cobblestone polisher, deeply concerned that dead shrubbery might threaten the weightlifting regime of local ministers.

The local tyromancer is found dead from nicotine poisoning. Suspicion falls on Little Malton’s candid photographer, frightened that climate change might threaten to make cows think things that normal cows don’t think.

A young boy is found slain in the high street. Suspicion falls on Torpenhow’s hyrlîan team, worried that a Hercule Poirot-inspired dance troupe might threaten the United Kingdom’s competitiveness at Eurovision.

The local tuba player is found with the blood drained and placed in milk bottles. Suspicion falls on Hyannisports’ financially-embarrassed aristocrat, disturbed that an increase in noise pollution might threaten a sticky end to Causton’s jam festival.

A local jam magnate is found as compost fertilising the village square’s geraniums. Suspicion falls on Devington’s romantically unlucky lumberjack, disturbed that a Hercule Poirot-inspired dance troupe might threaten drone deliveries.

A local DJ is found pushing up genetically modified daisies. Suspicion falls on Little Begging’s Shaft Appreciation Society, angry that pig farm effluent might threaten the closure of the Auburn Echo Village.

The local tuba player is found bloated in the river. Suspicion falls on Rooks Bridge’s baker, obsessed that Dutch Elm Disease might threaten realistic prospects of avoiding human-society-ending climate change.

They've got better representation than we do.

Be cautious, country fairs always attract deviants.

A pharmaceutical company CEO is found strangled with a telephone cable. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Vinae’s pencil sharpening society, disturbed that the new sugar tax might threaten to bring forward the date of the coming goat apocalypse.

A former supermodel turned antivaxxer is found slashed to death in the shower. Suspicion falls on Nomansland’s Pigeon Fancier Club, deeply concerned that urination on garden gnomes might threaten the end of floor malting.

A recently unemployed employment agent is found decapitated in a fruit pasteuriser. Suspicion falls on Badger’s Drift’s cold-hearted meteorologists, angry that cryptocurrencies might threaten a new financial crisis.

An eccentric pensioner is found with the blood drained and packaged in whisky pods. Suspicion falls on Great Snoring’s billiards society, confused that crows stealing and moving balls on the 15th hole might threaten common decency.

Florida man is found rubbed out by a giant eraser. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Market’s pencil sharpening society, upset that crows stealing and moving balls on the 15th hole might threaten local power structures.

A mute castrato is found gored by a bull. Suspicion falls on Badger’s Drift’s resident garden Jay, worried that red signage on a tool shop might threaten workplace Anglo-Saxon literacy.

A polyamorous tantric sex guru is found contemplating their mortality in a literal sense. Suspicion falls on Little Worthy’s Polish folk music society, worried that lowering standards in the soft fruit industry might threaten fixed-odds betting terminals.