My dog thinks she owns the couch.

I wrote this while not sitting in my spot because she looks really comfortable.

People the age I am now seemed a lot older when I was a kid.

To the gift wrap companies who put the squares on the back of the paper for easier cutting:
Thank you!

To the gift wrap companies who don't do that yet:
Get on that!

Every year for Christmas I buy my niece and nephew something that has to be assembled, because watching my brother struggle to put it together is my Christmas.

My wife is wrapping Christmas gifts, so our dog and I have to go in the other room because "we don't know how to act around gift wrap rolls."

In my 20's I just wanted a nice car.
In my 30's I just wanted a good job.
Today I just want mashed potatoes.

If you've never seen a cooked turkey before you're in luck because there's going to be 4,375,913 million photos of them on social media soon.