that's why I posted this, I thought you might be getting worried. I love you too, sweet baby, and your love helps me get through everything 💖💖💖💖💖

ty for trying but that actually confirmed my fears. I've never taken spiro, I've done E monotherapy with EV injections since the beginning, and he casually mentions near the end too high estrogenic action leading to poor development :(

plus he mentioned older patients rarely see late development :(

hey babes, sorry I disappeared for a week. I'm still here. I'm not gonna disappear for months again, at least. I'm still just really struggling and don't have anything fun to post about

I love you all so much 💙

you look so cool and hot! ❄️🔥

ty darling ily too 💙

Screenshot of a Tumblr thread. At the top is a cropped screenshot of a post that says "The healer also needs healing. The planner also needs surprises. The giver also needs to receive. The thoughtful also needs to be thought of. The considerate also needs to be considered." Then there's a post by honey-intheshade-deactivated202 that says "People give what they need." And finally a reply by roach-works that says "i think ultimately you become whoever would have saved you that time that no one did"

I've thought about this tumblr exchange at least once a week for the past three years

ty sweet baby ily so much 💛💛💛

freakout subsiding, sobbed a bit and now I'm tired 😴

I'm not the kind of person to nap tho so I'll just spend the rest of the day lying in bed watching old Game Grumps series and go to bed early

soothe me, Jackal 🙏 numb my mind with the comedic stylings of Glittery Jim

I know, and I'm trying not to compare per se. it's not just the comparison tho, it's that I recently read that starting on a high dose may stunt growth and limit feminization and that's the part that's freaking me out

the comparison just makes sense now if that's true

ty, sweetheart 💙

Alix you're so, so womanly looking, did you start low? what's your dosage now? you can DM if you don't wanna post it here

there's also probably self-selection bias in that the women who achieve the most feminization are most likely to post pics, so it creates a false sense of how fast things go on average

I just don't know. I've been in near-despair the past three days over this, I'm really freaking out

to be fair I started in my mid-30s and almost every timeline I see is someone starting in their early 20s. they're younger and their bodies are growing much faster

but at the same time I've seen ppl much older than me also achieve way more feminization in two years than I'm on track for

I haven't achieved NO feminization. my face looks significantly different than it did before, I've gotten some hips, a lot of thigh and A cup breasts

but every transition timeline I see, by two years they just straight-up look like a woman, and I absolutely do not

well, if I've already ruined my transition, maybe I'll try something drastic. an experiment, that could help other ppl who make the same mistake as me

I'll go off completely for a few months, then start again, low and slow

there's no hope for breast growth, but maybe everything else?

I just didn't know. how could I have found out? why would I think to have googled "should I start on a low dose of E for maximum feminization" or something, how would I have thought to do that if I had no idea?

"taking less estrogen makes you more feminine" doesn't make any logical sense

every trans woman I've ever seen pics of on this site or the old one, they've achieved massive feminization by two years

I'm getting close to two years and I basically still just look like a guy with slightly rounded, soft face

I think I've doomed myself to looking like a guy forever

I came out to my PCP and got him to prescribe my EV and even he said to start on 2.5 mg every other week, then ramp up

I did that for a month then jumped to 10 mg every other week (equivalent of the 5 mg/week my friends were all on)

saying that here now it seems obviously the wrong thing to do

I initially went to a clinic and told the nurse I wanted to do 5 mg weekly intramuscular injections and she looked at me like I was nuts and told me we'd discuss a regimen after blood tests

I thought she was just trying to dissuade me and never went back

I think that's why I have such small boobs, too. they're stuck at Tanner Stage 3 and it's been nearly two years, my breast buds have fused and there's no hope for future growth

I'm...really freaking out rn

I think I might have ruined my transition by starting on too high a dose

I hadn't heard that a gradual increase is better, I just asked all my friends who were on intramuscular what their dose was and did that

I think I doomed myself to never achieve full feminization

thanks. I only recently learned that a slow ramp-up is nowadays considered to probably give better results, I guess it's true! you just straight-up look like a woman

Excerpt from a manga of two cute girls with medium-length, dark hair. Shorter girl with lighter hair looks embarassed, blushing as she asks "can we hold hands?" Taller, darker haired girl pauses for a moment in surprise, a sweat bead running down her cheek She finally says "thats fine I guess" and offers the shorter girl her gloved hand. Shorter girl looks a bit in shock and asks the taller girl "Oh, uhm could we do it raw?" Taller girl looks annoyed with 3 lines over her head to illustrate her drop in mood She says, "dont ask for that in such a weird way!"

I'd hold hands with you... raw... 🥺

oh! I thought this was a 9 year before and after, haha. I'm also a bit under two years

if you don't mind me asking, what's your hrt regimen? I do 5 mg weekly intramuscular injections and I feel like I haven't gotten as much feminization as most ppl

with this dichotomy you're achieving the ultimate form of femininity

the pawgiest pawg on my timeline ^u^

pawg is short for paw girl

"hey girl, do you have problems in social situations and prefer quiet time alone focusing intensely on a small number of special interests? cause that ass is fat!"

that's funny, I also bounced off it for years then finally read it and loved it

what was the issue for you, do you think? for me I think it was the archaic writing style. it felt too dry when I was younger, but eventually it clicked

I'm enjoying your electrolysis posts, I haven't started yet (still got a good ways to go with laser) and I know it's gonna be bad when I start it helps to hear others talk about it

that's not scary, that gives me hope. that sincerely gives me the strength to carry on