It's been at least a year since folks have been saying yesteryear.

I know the purge when I see it.

geese are terrible shortstops

not now damn it, I’m romancing the stone (found a cool rock on the ground so I’m licking it to see what it would look like after a few rounds in my rock tumbler)

Happy people

tend to be kinder
They say
with their mouths
A lot
blah blah, like that, coo coo
in books, but
I don’t know a thing
about happy people, bibliometrics
trapped mist
the bottom of my face
a lich, fixed like a clock
doesn’t say a thing
about it, either

#vss365 #whistpr

willy wonka is actually the nickname they gave him after his first gym class

WiFi name is The Fifth Element

WiFi is good to go

Monkeys soaking in hot spring in Japan while it's snowing

The goal for reincarnation is to become one of those hot springs monkeys

Monkeys soaking in hot spring in Japan while it's snowing. One of them is saying, "It was worth it. It was worth being kind to all those assholes."

Too stupid to be successful. Too smart to be happy.

there was no proof in that pudding, your honor

Cat reading paper while using litter box

This masterpiece is hanging in the bathroom

Carrying my heart around in my laptop bag and having a little peek at work when no one’s looking

4/21, the true stoner day bc late

My sister just said FYI stands for Fuck You, Idiot.

Home is where the water doesn't taste funny straight from the tap.

I’m more quiet riot than rebel yell

Zu sehen sind eine braune Kuh, ein weisses Hochlandrind sowie ein braunes Pferd in einem Wald. Alle gucken recht überrascht in Richtung Kamera.

Freundschaft...

Rolling diagonally up the stairs decreasingly in a counterclockwise manner

Flavor Flav is short for Flavorful Riboflavin

*seductively unzipping my human skin suit*

I’m a terrible person because every time I see a skeet with a screen capture of the official Iranian twitter account I see the avatar/icon and immediately think of Sbarro, not the Iranian flag.

Don't look at me, you're the one that just sang 🎶 Red Robin 🎶YUM🎶 to yourself.

Pro olds tip for summer an Orange Fanta with Metamucil will help you blend in sensibly at the riverwalk or rooftop bar

it’s scary how loud the outside world is when you take off your noise canceling headphones

When stillness feels more intense than screaming.

boobs. breasts, even

This email could’ve been an underwhelming pizza party.

I’m a hard working lazy person.

Rooster took the truck to the Ford dealership who told him they don't work on Fords that are over ten years old.

Built Ford Tough my ass.