i’m libbing out

Hey man, it’s just a joke. Which, as we all know, is a form of speech in a vacuum, devoid of meaning

I got into Baseball after I realized it was basically just Pokémon

*doctor during abscess drainage surgery* hey man are you cool if I record this on my phone so billions of people will watch it on Snapchat by accident

I’m the guy with a doctorate in linguistics that they get to name all of the prescription drugs. I made $600k just for scribbling the word Dupixent on a napkin

Do you think the first guy to encounter a chameleon in the wild was like damn no one’s gonna believe me

Gone away
Is the bluebird
Here to stay
Lobster Newberg

i think that everyone who plays or watches sports should be sent to prison

Weatherman named Mick Flurry POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST QUICK

“Aw man, a lot of these dishes came out of the dishwasher dirty. Oh well, I guess I’ll just run it again”

COME ON DOWN TO ELDERLY EDDY’S USED CAR DEPOT

“My prices are so low that I’ll never retire.”

*meeting a doctor named Dr Acula* He seems VERY interested in my blood. I assume this is purely a professional interest

A parent says to another parent "they don't want the homeless sleeping on the playground equipment so they've given it a hostile design." They observe a child perched at the top of a slide. The slide has dozens of large, sharp spikes sticking out of the sloping flat surface. The child trips on one and lands face first onto the spikes, instantly releasing massive quantities of blood with a GSSHH noise. The other parent obliviously states "well, the kids seem happy."

ernest hemingway's writing process was fascinating. whenever he got stuck, he would pick up his switch and play a game of rocket league, but it usually wasn't a ranked match. instead he'd play in casual mode, or even offline against bots, so he could quickly put it down should an idea come to him

A tickmark box that says "I want to opt out from having my resume reviewed by artificial intelligence as part of the application process"

Sometimes I wish I was born in 1952

You’ll never convince me that an orchestra wouldn’t sound exactly the same if the conductor wasn’t there. Fake job.

We need to bring back ironic punishment

did you know that the two main ingredients of honey mustard are honey and mustard? now, maybe that’s just a crazy coincidence, or maybe it’s proof that god is real

We should just pay the cows more so we don’t have to tip them

I always find it cute when I see two people with brightly dyed hair together in public, it means they either planned to look like Mario and Sonic or they found each other in spite of it all

it’s crazy that it’s the year 2023. i remember back when it was 1996 and 2003 and some other years like that. 2014 too, that was another one

is blooper on here too, can we bully mascots on bluesky?

chuck, a 15-pound mutt, at the vet's office standing on his hind legs

chuck went to the vet for his first routine check-up today. he did a good job

This simply isn’t fair

Joseph Robinette Burrow I place a hex upon you

I never understood why people were mad at Marie Antoinette for the let them eat cake thing I always assumed she was the one providing the cake

Funniest ending to all this is if Bluesky just takes the name Twitter because no one was using it

That’s it. Fuck this place. I’m done with it. I’m logging off for good. If anyone wants to contact me I’ll still be reading posts on here, posting on here, etc.