sometimes there is a soulmate that you knew 10+ years ago and despite where you are now and knowing you’re where you’re supposed to be you will still wonder if there could’ve been a different path to them.

update: it happened lmfaooodjsjdjdk

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every 4 months and random old man finds my substack and comments on everything i post in an attempt to be the best feminist ally ™️

eventually ill say something that will make him fragile, he’ll have a mental breakdown and block

repeat cycle

wow my mental health was so bad last time i used this account

i actually slept all night all last week and idek how

anxiety going brrrrrrr

okay i am up and going to breakfast and the mall today imagine that

hello, today has been a bit better and i start therapy tomorrow

im! gonna! regret this!

im supposed to be attending a christmas party tonight and i just 🙃🙃

terrible update i will be missing work UGH im gonna get my ass fired

flashing back to 2019 when i got such a bad stomach bug i had to go to the ER and universe dont play me like that again

oh my it may be getting dire

woke up superrrrrr nauseous but i absolutely cannot miss work today so i gotta get over it

i am so drained

woke up and immediately threw into a really bad panic attack, phew

going to get up and go take a nice bath and try to get my shit together

there's never been a time where i actually struggled to get out of bed as much as i do right now, and i genuinely can't even pinpoint what the issue is and that makes me so mad.

whyyyyy did i smoke

anyways, i slept till 1am because i am back to being a fucking mess and i have a headache

wanted to share good news though - i should be back to coaching competitive dance in the new year. i originally expected to start in summer 2025, but an opening has come up and despite how petrified i am because of my anxiety and lack of stamina rn, i had to jump on it.

well me sleeping normally lasted for like 3 days

haven't had work in 3 weeks and am super anxious about sleeping tonight, how bad my agoraphobia is getting, and getting back into it

i hate the entirety of what people consider "dark romance" which is actually just SA and stalking.

apparently my therapy might be free??? she's going to double check because on the website it said it wouldn't be free, but holy shit if it is.

i do, but everyone i've found would still be close to $100 per session.

the one that i liked best and replied to when she emailed me back does offer it i believe, thankfully. when i do my intake appointment i'm going to get into it. with my insurance its not awful but still too much to maintain for long

i reached out to a therapist, and I'll try but it's so expensive. i can't maintain it for long.