Outsiders always rag on us in D.C. for asking what people do for a living.

But how else are we supposed to weed out the fascists, National Guard, and ICEcles? #FuckICE

Men trying to make friends:

a man with his eyes closed is dancing in a club ALT: a man with his eyes closed is dancing in a club

My resolution is to have one moment in 2026 where I feel like this #NewYearsEve

I’m never gonna be the one to suggest that we break out the nukes

…but maybe we should break out the nukes. #NewYearsEve

The elderly man next to me at the coffee shop keeps commenting on what women (staff and patrons alike) are doing, and it doesn’t seem cute or charming…it seems like fucking patriarchy.

The feminine urge to accost the Brits next to you in the coffee shop and beg them to hire you so you can get tf outta the United States

GENIUS IDEA OF THE DAY: Give gold-plated wedding rings. Underneath there'd be a message of love that you can only see when you've been together long enough for the gold to rub off 🥹

Goodnight, humanity 🌚

May we all wake into a world of peace and unity ❤️💙

Women have felt lonely since the beginning of time, but now that men feel it, too, it’s “an emergency” and “an epidemic.” #FindFriends #BeKind #GoToTherapy #StopHatingWomen

1) good, they should be prosecuted, they are responsible for countless deaths

2) always very funny when these people realize the extent to which their billionaire patrons could not possibly give less of a shit about them

I want the life they told me I’d have if I didn’t have the life they told me I’d have.

You call it doomscrolling; I call it harvesting my memes.

“I think it's worth it to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the Second Amendment to protect our other God-given rights. That is a prudent deal. It is rational.”

—Charlie Kirk

www.newsweek.com/charlie-kirk...

MAGA 3 days ago: Chicago is about to find out the meaning of WAR

MAGA today: the left needs to stop condoning violence

Gen Z: #BADBUNNY!
Gen X: #BADBUNion!

Entering my Pinky & the Brain era. I will not be taking questions at this time.

When a straight woman says she prefers the strong, silent type, it’s because every time a man opens his mouth around her it’s to say something sexist and/or sexual.

What up Bluesky!
It's me, ya (not)boi who wrote a story about a fascist takeover of the US. Y'all didn't want it during the 1st #Trump presidency...but now that it's happening, who wants to rep my book?
Deets: 1 spy, 1 gal, 1 mind-control chip. Add gov agents/PTSD &this meet just got a lot less cute

They interrupted @wamu885’s #HotJazzSaturdayNight to report on this…we’re well and truly fucked

Trump irl #Iran #TruthSocial #AnotherFuckinWar

Did I call this a year ago? Yeah the fuck I did.

Also, anyone got any leads on jobs outside of the U.S.? Legit ANYWHERE
www.instagram.com/reel/DKiYGRG...

Democracy dies in decorum.

The Weighty, Whimsical Words

Any chance you’re looking for a scriptwriter/humorist/speechwriter/writer/editor? Because I’m pretty sure I’m about to lose my job, along with most of my coworkers 😞 You can see a bit of my work here: weightywhimsicalwords.com. Or if not, but you know John Oliver, could you see if he’ll hire me? 🥺

The Weighty, Whimsical Words

Also, any chance you’re looking for a scriptwriter/humorist/speechwriter/writer/editor? Because I’m pretty sure I’m about to lose my job, along with most of my coworkers 😞 You can see a bit of my work here: weightywhimsicalwords.com. Or if you know John Oliver, could you see if he’ll hire me? 🥺

Trump=Dark Triad. Vance adopted Thiel/Yavin’s views. Vance&Musk support turning the US into dictator-run technofeudalist fiefs. Musk thinks life’s a sim & is fine with hurting us “NPCs.” Dems=too into respectability politics to see they sold us down the river. Can we come back from this? If so, how?

Snoozy cat for tax 🧵7/7

So sure, we can all be concerned and sad and even terrified…but not surprised. Because the plan was never hidden, never secret, never obscure; and the frog can’t feign surprise to all its buddies when the scorpions sting us and we sink into the murky depths. 🧵6/7

No matter where I look, I’m seeing messages of shock and concern. But none of this is a surprise. This isn’t the scorpion telling the frog he won’t sting; it’s the scorpion saying “oh, yeah, I’m *totally* gonna sting you and we’ll BOTH drown,” and the frog giving he & his buddies a ride anyway. 🧵5/7

Dismantling the government and firing the public servants who dedicated their lives to serving their fellow Americans? Right on target. 🧵4/7