if I don’t make it tell my friends not to touch my shit

Cheers Swampy ☕️ 🥤 🤗 💚 ✨

speak softly and carry a big stick of butter

“A hero is someone who understands the responsibility that comes with his freedom.”

- Bob Dylan

i’m a cowboy on a steel horse i ride, your honor

You guys go on and keep reaching for the stars. I’ll just stay here and have an egg.

aim to quease

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” and other aesthetic-related freak eye injuries.

They said I’m a fine girl? Is that all they said about me?
-Brandy

you just know some guy named geoff decided to spell it "pigeon"

Whenever I go to any kind of music festival I always bring my kazoo in case one of the bigger acts recognizes me in the crowd and asks me to sit in. I'll always modestly shake my head and wave "no" a few times but eventually if the audience makes enough noise for me I'll go up.

Went to an Autopsy Club meeting yesterday evening

It was ‘Open Mike Night’

Pinned down by cats. This is a good death.

I made a list:
1) Make a list
2) Remember to check the list
3) Check list again!

I finished my list, checked it twice.
That's my day done, going back to bed.

turns out saying “my neural pathways have become accustomed to your sensory inputs” does not get you laid

I promise to be sane today. If I do anything crazy, the clowns will make eat sugar-free cookies while drinking decaf coffee.

Did you bring enough consciousness for the rest of the class?

As a measure of dullness, from now on I will not use butter knife as the benchmark, but instead I will use "dollar store pizza cutter"

The gauntlet they run to get a chance to spawn reminds me very much of high school

I can’t get enough of these beautiful little fish

i’m such a tradwife that i can’t climax unless i’m fantasizing about churning butter

The amount of water in baby carrot bags feels performative

Relax. You can be fierce tomorrow.

WHO THE FUCK'S IDEA WAS IT TO LET THE HORSES PERFORM SURGERY AGAIN? THEY HAVE GOT HOOVES FOR HANDS. MAYBE MR. DUMPTY WOULD HAVE HAD A CHANCE IF WE'D HAVE CALLED A DOCTOR RATHER THAN FUCKING SEABISCUIT.

Use a GIF, vid, or pic to describe your mood today.

I never wanted to post this path. I started out as a walking stick account, but then I poked my first stupidest shit I could think of and the stick treeactivated

You’re already in

just biding my time until i’ve been fully accepted into cat society

I like when I see billboards that are available to rent, because that means someone realized they didn’t have anything to say