mcdonald's manager: show the new guy the ropes

me: yeah no prob *opens drawer* we use them to restrain grimace

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

We fucking warned y’all that this was the goddamned end goal for those smart glasses.

Today in life under competitive authoritarianism

hey so this is called eugenics

It’s important to remember that the goal of lawsuits like the one brought by Kash Patel against the Atlantic isn’t to win, it’s to cost the Atlantic as much money as possible only to drop the suit before discovery, and as red meat for the MAGA base by simply filing it.

Fun fact:

The so-called 1918 Spanish Flu originated at a U.S. military base in Kansas and killed up to 5% of the world's population.

Today that'd be like 400million people

A golden retriever has both paws up at a bank teller’s window.

“Are you the branch manager?”
“Yes I am, how can I help you?”
“I would like two branches, please.”
“How would you like that?”
“Two big sticks, four little sticks.”

whY iS evERyONe aROunD TRUmP tiEd To EPstEiN?

my dad would say, “if you bump into an asshole in the morning, you just bumped into an asshole; if you bump into assholes all day, maybe you’re the asshole”

Endometriosis Is Often Excruciating. Pelvic Floor Therapy Can Help Some Patients. Often prescribed following birth injuries, this treatment may improve common endometriosis symptoms, too, from painful sex and abdominal cramping to urinary dysfunction.

Pelvic floor therapy is often prescribed following birth injuries. But it can also improve common endometriosis symptoms, like painful sex and urinary dysfunction.

my husband is a saint, idk how he puts up with me 😂

Husband saved the day once again! He went out to get Dominos as soon as the HVAC guy left (at 6:45pm!), then we got in the hot tub after dinner & we watched Bob Ross paint some shit, an ideal middle aged 4/20! 😂🥰

How to Watch the Lyrids Meteor Shower at Its Peak Between the night of April 21 and the early morning of April 22, those looking in the right place will see the sky light up with 15 to 20 meteors per hour.

Between the night of April 21 and the early morning of April 22, those looking in the right place will see the sky light up with 15 to 20 meteors per hour.

in the 90s I probably had forty phone numbers memorized. today it's three and one of them is 911

Help Our Pollinators

We can’t trust Palantir with our NHS data Is this really the company we should be entrusting with our health service’s digital architecture?

"Palantir is not just a problem of profiteering from our national healthcare system— it's a fundamental threat to the democratic control of our public infrastructure + the privacy of every citizen. By giving our taxes to this company, we are aiding their operations everywhere."

tinyurl.com/3ejuyv89

I consider mids loud

420 blaze it

She is awful and should be fired but man that is three women out of the Cabinet and not a single guy

missed the appt window by 2+ hours & absolutely zero sense of urgency, & this is just a maintenance appt!!!!! we could have rescheduled this!!!!!

I haven’t eaten all day (I ate a single bite out of a Publix chicken tender like a rabid possum about half an hour ago because I was getting stabby) & I am so fucking tired, please get the fuck out of here man

had an HVAC appt between 9am-2pm today… wanna know who got here at 4:45pm & is still here in my goddamn house

4:20 on 4/20 BLAZE ITTTTT

LFG

you can add -e to any word to class it up, farte, cocke, balle, cume, turde, it works on anything. the e stands for 'elegance'

After these four companies settled with Trump in his shakedown lawsuits, the money was pledged to his presidential library. But the fund was then dissolved. Senate Dems asked the companies where the money went. They have now replied. I've obtained their answers:

newrepublic.com/article/2092...

a philosophy professor couldn’t teach Plato’s Symposium… what are we doing here, y’all

honestly stoked he’s here today bc all the wind we had yesterday blew all those stupid catkins off the oak trees & our whole yard & pool is covered in them

I forgot it’s “can’t do anything on my Monday lunch breaks because the lawn guy blocks our entire driveway for the full 1.5hrs he’s here” season

"Dear America" letters from people who work at the besieged US Department of Housing and Urban Development:

dearamericaletters.org