FX: LOUD KNOCKING
CRUN: Oh - there's the door. You get it, will you, Eccles?
ECCLES: Der - OK
FX: TEARING & SPLINTERING
ECCLES: Ermm... here's the door. Where shall I put it?
(Goon Show S3 E23, 21 Apr 1953. Script by Spike Milligan & Larry Stephens. Edited by Jimmy Grafton.)
PUREHEART: What's going on over there?
ECCLES: I'm chopping this tree down.
P: Silly man! If you stand that side of the tree, it'll fall on top of you & then what would you do?
E: Errr... I'd shout: Doctor! Get me a doctor!
(Goon Show S2 E12, 15 Apr 1952. Script by Spike Milligan & Larry Stephens.)
Part of the front cover for the script of The Goon Show number 20 in the third series. With Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe, Spike Milligan, Max Geldray, The Ray Ellington Quartet, The Orchestra conducted by Wally Stott. Script by Larry Stephens and Spike Milligan. Edited by Jimmy Grafton. Announcer: Andrew Timothy. Produced by Peter Eton.
HARRY: We drank a toast then we smashed our glasses in the fireplace. Pausing to pick up the bent frames, I staggered half-blind from the room.
(Goon Show S3 E22, 14 Apr 1953. Script by Larry Stephens & Spike Milligan. Edited by Jimmy Grafton.)
PUREHEART: Sorry I'm a little late. Stanley Black buttonholed me for a moment.
TIM: Really? He never says two words to me.
PUREHEART: You're lucky. He's always saying two words to me.
(Goon Show S2 E11, 8 Apr 1952. Script by Spike Milligan & Larry Stephens. Edited by Jimmy Grafton)
CRUN: Where have you been all day?
ECCLES: I've been at the zoo. It was the penguins' feeding time.
NED: So you like penguins?
ECCLES: Erm.... no. I like fish.
(Goon Show S3 E21, 7 Apr 1953. Script by Larry Stephens & Spike Milligan. Edited by Jimmy Grafton.)
HARRY: Have you noticed my new suit? The tailor worked on it all night.
TIM: Obviously without lights.
HARRY: Nonsense, Timothy. It fits me like a glove.
TIM: I wondered why it had four trouser legs and one sleeve.
(Goon Show S2 E10, 1 Apr 1952. Script by Milligan & Stephens. Edited by Grafton)
Part of the front cover of the script from The Goon Show series 3 episode 20, 'The Man Who Never Was.' With Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe, Spike Milligan, Max Geldray, The Ray Ellington Quartet, The Orchestra conducted by Wally Stott. Script by Larry Stephens and Spike Milligan. Edited by Jimmy Grafton. Announcer: Andrew Timothy. Produced by Peter Eton.
BLOODNOK: Admit it - you're a spy.
HERR KOMMZEBRIDE: I am not a spy. I'm a shepherd.
BLOODNOK: Ah... a shepherd spy.
(Goon Show S3 E20, 31 Mar 1953. Script by Larry Stephens & Spike Milligan. Edited by Jimmy Grafton.)
Lots of great quotes to choose from!
For 10 years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot. And finally with a piece of string.
(Goon Show S7 E25, 28 Mar 1957. Script by Spike Milligan & Larry Stephens.)
BENTINE: Has England lost its old fire, its burning spirit of adventure? No! Even today the blood still races through our veins as we thrill to stirring statements such as...
SELLERS: Rain with occasional fog patches.
(Goon Show S2 E9, 25 Mar 1952. Script by Milligan & Stephens. Edited by Grafton)
Part of the front page of the script for the Goon Show episode number 26 in the fourth series. With Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe, Spike Milligan, The Ray Ellington Quartet, Max Geldray. Announcer: Wallace Greenslade. The Orchestra conducted by Wally Stott. Script by Larry Stephens. Produced by Peter Eton. Transmission: Monday, 22nd March 1954. 7.30 - 8.00pm HOME. 'The Story of Brain' is handwritten at the top although this episode is also known as 'Western Story'
SENATOR McELLINGTON: The committee have now inspected your passport photograph...
HAROWITZ: The photograph is blurred. You must have moved.
ECCLES: No. I'm still living in the same place.
(Goon Show S4 E26, 22 Mar 1954. Script by Larry Stephens.)
You know the episode well!
Part of the front cover of the script for the Goon Show episode 'The Missing Boa Constrictor' with Harry Secombe, Peter Sellers, Spike Milligan, Ray Ellington Quartet, Max Geldray, Wally Stott and his orchestra. Announcer: Wallace Greenslade. Production: Pat Dixon. Script: Spike Milligan and Larry Stephens. S.M: Bobby Jaye.
MIN: Oh! He's fainted!
NED: Yes, and at the exact moment at which you hit him with that hammer.
(Goon Show S7 E24, 21 Mar 1957. Script by Spike Milligan & Larry Stephens.)
Radio Times listning for "Bumblethorpe", from 1951. Written by Spike Milligan, Larry Stephens and Peter Ling, the title character was played by someone different every week.
Oddly fascinated by "Bumblethorpe", a Spike Milligan / Larry Stephens / Peter Ling serial from 1951 in which there was a different Bumblethorpe every week, including Tony Hancock, Alfred Marks, Jack Train and Bonar Colleano. Valentine Dyall and Kenneth Connor also lurking on the premises.
SEAGOON: Major, you're not going to run away from the enemy?
BLOODNOK: Well, there's no point in running away from anyone else, is there?
(Goon Show S6 E27, 20 Mar 1956. Script by Spike Milligan & Larry Stephens.)
Front cover of the script for The Goon Show number 19. With Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe, Spike Milligan, Max Geldray, The Ray Ellington Quartet, The Orchestra conducted by Wally Stott. Script by Larry Stephens & Spike Milligan. Edited by Jimmy Grafton. Announcer: Andrew Timothy. Produced by Peter Eton. Transmission: Tuesday, 17th March, 1953 9.30 - 10.00pm HOME.
HARRY: 24 hours later, I was in Madrid...
SPIKE: Buenos dias senor.
HARRY: No thanks, I never touch it.
SPIKE: Oh! Senor is a foreigner.
HARRY: Foreigner?! Nonsense! I'm an Englishman.
(Goon Show S3 E19, 17 Mar 1953. Script by Larry Stephens & Spike Milligan. Edited by Jimmy Grafton.)
FX: SPLASH. BUBBLES.
PUREHEART: Hello down there! Eccles?
ECCLES: Der - hello! I'm on the ocean bed.
PUREHEART: Is it cold on the bottom?
ECCLES: No - only when I sit on it.
(Goon Show S2 E7, 11 Mar 1952. Script by Spike Milligan & Larry Stephens. Edited by Jimmy Grafton)
Front cover for the script of The Goon Show number 18 (3rd series). With Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe, Spike Milligan, Max Geldray, The Ray Ellington Quartet, The Orchestra conducted by Wally Stott. Script by Larry Stephens & Spike Milligan. Edited by Jimmy Grafton. Announcer: Andrew Timothy. Produced by Charles Chilton. Transmission: Tuesday, 10th March 1953. 9.30 - 10.00pm HOME.
FX: KNOCK ON DOOR
BLOODNOK: Who is it?
ECCLES: The Intelligence Officer. I've got a message for the Major.
BLOOD: A message? Slide it under the door.
ECC: OK but it ain't gonna be easy.
BLOOD: Why not?
ECC: It's in my head.
(Goon Show S3 E18, 10 Mar 1953. Script by Larry Stephens & Spike Milligan.)
I reckon so!!
Radio highlights: Looking for a Boat. Vintage Goons - The Seagoon Memoirs.
Weather: light sleet or snow. Outlook - continuing cold. 3c, 37f
Front cover of the script for The Goon Show episode 'Africa Ship Canal' with Harry Secombe, Peter Sellers, Spike Milligan, Ray Ellington Quartet, Max Geldray, Wally Stott and his Orchestra. Announcer: Wallace Greenslade. Production: Pat Dixon. Script: Spike Milligan and Larry Stephens. S.M: Bobby Jaye. Rehearsal: Sunday 3rd March 1957. 3.30pm Cast - Camden. 6.00pm Orchestra. Recording: Sunday 3rd March 1957. 9.00 - 10.00pm Camden. Transmission: Thursday, 7th March 1957. 8.30 - 9.00pm Home.
CRUN: With the closing of the canal, our ships have been forced to travel round the Cape.
SPRIGGS: Couldn't they travel overland?
CRUN: We've tried that but it ruins the bottoms of the ships.
(Goon Show S7 E22, 7 Mar 1957. Script by Spike Milligan & Larry Stephens.)
SEAGOON: Bloodnok, you must stop drinking that Sake...
BLOODNOK: Ohhh, just this one. It's thirsty work, this drinking.
(Goon Show S6 E25. Script by Spike Milligan & Larry Stephens.)
The front cover of Goon Show News, the Goon Show Preservation Society's magazine. This is issue number 192 dated March 2026. There is an image of John Antrobus (Spike Milligan's co-writer) drawn by Tim Leatherbarrow. The words, "RIP John Antrobus 1933 - 2025" are printed across the bottom.
The contents page of Goon Show News. This month's articles include Royal Patronage Retained; Dance With Me Henry; Stage Show in NZ; 1956 intro + Lost T-Shirt; How Paul McC Wrote A Song; Treasure to Woy Woy; More About Woy Woy; New Book Semi Reviewed; The Margaret Lindsay Mystery; Marty Feldman's Comedy Machine; Secombe Here; Goon Pod Takes A Break; News from Milligan Lodge; News from the Borthwick; Pirate Coast + Eric Sykes; Preservation Report + Greenslade Slip; Puckoon: A Look at the Books; Fred Illustrated; By Kenneth Connor; A Kick Up The Archives; Goon-ing to Town in 1957; Letters, Emails, Posts; Contacts. Contributors include Tim Leatherbarrow; Brad Ashton; Mark Cousins; Duncan Gray; Chris Smith; Tyler Adams; SMP Ltd; Borthwick and Neil Trickey. Deadline for next issue: 2nd May 2026.
GSPS magazine no. 192 is out now, folks! If you're not a member yet, why not join today?
goonshow.org/gsps/join/
Front cover of the script for The Goon Show programme 23 (series 2, episode 6.) With Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe, Michael Bentine, Spike Milligan, Max Geldray, The Stargazers, The Ray Ellington Quartet, The BBC Dance Orchestra conducted by Stanley Black. Script: Spike Milligan & Larry Stephens (Edited by) Jimmy Grafton. Announcer: Andrew Timothy. Producer - Dennis Main Wilson.
DICK BARTON: Now remember chaps, we're carrying 200 atom bombs so whatever you do, don't touch that chromium-plated lever.
ECCLES: Der - why not?
BARTON: I've just polished it.
(Goon Show S2 E6, 4 Mar 1952. Script by Spike Milligan & Larry Stephens. Edited by Jimmy Grafton)
The front cover of the script for the Goon Show number 17 (3rd series). With Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe, Spike Milligan, Dick Emery, Max Geldray, The Ray Ellington Quartet, the orchestra conducted by Wally Stott. Script by Larry Stephens & Spike Milligan. Produced by Peter Eton. Transmission: Tuesday 3rd March 1953, 9.30 - 10.00 pm HOME.
NED: Make sure the men are issued with the special vitamins.
ECCLES: Ermmmm... Vitamins?
NED: Yes. Surely you know what they are? Vitamins A, B, C, E...
ECCLES: That's a funny way to spell vitamins.
(Goon Show S3 E17, 3 Mar 1953. Script by Larry Stephens & Spike Milligan.)
NEDDIE: I want to buy a penguin... How much are they?
SPRIGGS: I'll just look in the catalogue.
NEDDIE: I don't want a cat. I want a penguin. So look in the penguinlogue.
(Goon Show S7 E21, 28 Feb 1957. Script by Spike Milligan & Larry Stephens.)
HARRY: I went to France. The farmer was very friendly - he shouted good morning in French
PETE: GOOD MORNING IN FRENCH!
(Goon Show S2 E5, 26 Feb 1952. Script by Spike Milligan & Larry Stephens. Edited by Jimmy Grafton.)
SEAGOON: Just what I need - a left-handed penguin!
BLOODNOK: Shall I wrap him?
SEAGOON: Just a scarf and overcoat.
(Goon Show S7 E20, 21 Feb 1957. Script by Spike Milligan & Larry Stephens.)
HARRY: Where have you been?
TIM: I was having a Turkish bath & watching a film on television.
HARRY: What was showing?
TIM: Nothing... I had a towel wrapped round me.
(Goon Show S2 E4, 19 Feb 1952. Script by Spike Milligan & Larry Stephens. Edited by Jimmy Grafton.)
