From “The Simpsons” house genius John Swartzwelder, interviewed in The New Yorker by Mike Sacks

I can’t get my iPhone to get a focussed picture of a bird ten feet away. What am I doing wrong?*

*Very much not the point. This is beautiful.

Mine too

This song makes me cry every time.

Good lad, you can’t be too careful.

Is this bird related to the pigeon who must not, under any circumstances, be allowed to drive the bus?*

*Best kids’ picture book ever don’t @ me.

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FlashFlood is open! We’d love to receive your subs 😊 Flashes up to 300 words, pre 2023 prev published considered, reserved spots for debut writers. You have until 23:59 on 25 April: flashfloodjournal.blogspot.com/p/submission...

Someone somewhere has surely mapped this for fun. Reddit is probably the best place to get information like that. Despite decades of riding the Tube I don’t think I ever paid attention to those moments.

What’s going on is that the current US administration is a colossal global grift. Next question?

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FlashFlood opens for submissions on 19 April till 25 April. Flashes up to 300 words. Stories will be published on NFFD. Pre 2023 previously published considered. Reserved slots for unpublished writers. For more details see our submission guidelines: flashfloodjournal.blogspot.com/p/submission...

I love this!

Large blue hanging sign in a supermarket with a picture of eggs and an arrow pointing down.

As supermarkets across the UK continue to disagree on where the eggs go, Tesco at least has put in mitigating measures for exasperated customers.

Just stayed in a hotel where the shower controls were at the end where you walk in, not under the shower head. Genius. Also push button controls instead of playing ‘guess the lever angle / rotation’. Push one button for overhead, other button to swap to handheld.

Hugh from the Armando Iannucci Show

“Of course in the old days Bluesky was only on for three hours a day. We used to get dressed up in our Sunday best to log on to it. Then when it shut down again we’d all stand up and sing the national anthem”

1) Genie: I am a writer. I can answer any question you ask 2) Aladdin: what is your book about? 3) Genie: Any question but that

True story

I know some of you have great Substack content, but this is why I won't subscribe.

I had access to the Tate’s Rothko files while doing my MA - late 1980s and everything was stuffed into manila folders in a filing cabinet. I found a tiny paint sample Rothko provided for the wall colour and requests about the lighting. They didn’t honour any of that until Tate Modern.

Pfft. That’s not a good reason at all. I have a lot of beefs with the Tate curators but really didn’t expect this level of intellectual shallowness. Also, it’s painfully loud.

I’m just about to go into the Emin exhibition, I’ll go back after that to see if it has stopped. What on earth possessed them?

The Tate have my MA thesis on how #Rothko wanted the paintings displayed in their library. Primary research based on original correspondence in their own archive. I suggest they go read it.

Tate Modern are playing music in the #Rothko room. It’s extremely loud. I’ve rarely been more angry in my life. @tate.bsky.social

If you want it as a useful task light over the island, no. Over a dining table, perfect. We have three such lights over our table. Spotlights everywhere else. Swivel spots over island (hob) and sink so they are angled perfectly to light the task and you’re not standing in your own shadow.

I thought I’d seen some repeats. I object. I think they should just keep going through the most obscure and esoteric words until the dictionary runs dry.

Also it feels like we must be getting into the long weeds now of playable five letter English words.

Not a common word the side of the pond.

New interview with Charlie Weisman, director of the NYC Midnight competitions. I've been writing in these contests for 10 years (yikes) and it's still one of my favorite things. If you're a contest participant, or if you're contest curious, check it out!

@nycmidnight.bsky.social

I’m going to London for three days. It’s neither cold nor warm and there may or may not be rain. I think three coats and/or jackets will be a minimum.

Happy 50th anniversary to “All the President’s Men” — a film that owes its existence to Redford, who bought the film rights, developed the script and cajoled a reluctant Woodward & Bernstein.

I thought it was “a great character study,” he said later. But, for months, “they didn’t return my calls.”

Unsolicited writing advice, no. 8104:
Easy reading doesn’t mean easy writing. It takes a lot of practice and expertise to make something seem effortless. (This goes for genre, comedy, kids’ books and lots of other well-crafted books not perceived as “literary.”)

Welkin me up!