I comply in advance. I always get scared during the scary movie way before anything scary happens.

“Funfetti” is offensive. It implies that confetti could be anything other than fun. “Funfetti” should be categorized with and receive the same mockery as using “irregardless.”

Remember when trans people complained about some of Chappelle's jokes and then he got a multi-million dollar deal to make more Netflix specials? Now THAT was cancel culture!

I’m into my coffee habit mostly for the ritual. Adding a hand grinder took the “peaceful steps” to the next level.

Not that there would ever be any doubt, but I betray any image of automotive knowledge when the cool young people at the oil change place ask me to turn on the high beams, and I end up washing the front windshield, and then they ask to check the blinkers, and I end up washing the front windshield.

The relief of finding something of interest you can build your whole personality around.

Small ways to make a big difference:
- thrift shopping
- riding your bike
- not launching yourself into space
- eating a little less meat
- staying on Earth instead of briefly yeeting yourself off the planet

The Detroit Pistons have done it, beating the New York Knicks in Game 2 of their first-round series on Monday to mark their first playoff win since 2008.

At least the Pope got to watch night one of WrestleMania.

Truly. He’ll have a little back and forth, and it seems genuine and kind of charming, and it’s like “hey, can you not?”

Trump admin keeps talking like adding a reporter to the chat was the problem, and not that the chat existed at all.

Chia pudding or overnight oats are the ultimate check on hubris. If you didn’t plan ahead, that’s it, nothing you can do. No wealth, strength, or political power can change the fact that you didn’t prep your chia pudding, even though you’ve nailed the recipe and it sounds really good this morning.

“You know what would be fun?”
- Someone at The Atlantic probably

Angela from the office saying “He’s so talented.”

The argument for why a scumbag should keep their public platform often boils down to…

A Ninja Turtles themed 90’s cover band.

Whats is Chumbabunga?

Telematrix No. 1: February 26, 2025 Can you name an Emmy-nominated TV show starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus?

It makes sense, but I was thinking that a show couldn’t be used twice, or that there could be multiple right answers. Anyway, crazy low percentage for JLDs NAoOC.

Vulture Telematrix No. 1: Feb 24, 2025

I got 8/9 Correct
Score: 2015

🟩🟩🟩
🟩⬜🟩
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Play at:
vulture.com/vulturetelem...

How many birds eat something to feed to their kids, but then they’re like “ooh, that was tasty, okay, that one was for me, but the NEXT one is definitely for the kids.”

One of those great articles that synthesizes perfectly a feeling you’ve had but couldn’t name.

Fantasy novels could explain in plain language what the setup was, and some basics of what to look out for. Instead, it’s the book, “It was the ninth age of the great dawn. The mage’s wind blew which ended the beginning, and began the end. Brandlenon sat under the light of the Voloy day star.”

I’m enjoying how I misspelled McDonald’s this morning.

Enjoying the moment, not a tricorder in sight.

It’s amazing that anyone is still wasting air, podcast, or writing time on Trump’s improprieties. So what if he’s being impolite to the Biden’s? The obsession with norms and decorum does nothing for the people struggling under the billionaire’s boot.

I switched to decaf and I’m feeling great. I started with finding an excellent decaf bean, and then regularly exercising, meditating, and going to therapy.

So it's dangerous for China to have the ability to access our data and manipulate us via social media apps.

But it's okay for America's billionaires to have the ability to access our data and manipulate us via social media apps.

Do I have this right?

I imagine the first customers were looking around, not making eye contact, “the burgers… are they… umm, like, beef, or, ummm, ya know… are the burgers made of Yoshi meat or nah?”

Nothing like waking up and absolutely DEMOLISHING the low impact exercise leaderboard. Recovery ride? The only thing they’ll be recovering from is me DOMINATING!

More people on TV shows should apologize. Many times they do the grand gesture that reads “apology,” music swells, the other person does the “I can’t stay mad at you face” and it’s done. But no one said “I’m sorry.” Let’s get some ownership on these shows.

My flawless grocery shopping technique: look at your list, remember as much as you, pick up those things, look at your list and remember as much as you can, pick up those things. Repeat as many times as necessary to check off everything on your list, except for that one spice they never have.

I never feel mocked by a puzzle like I feel mocked by Connections. That little pause, then shake when you guess wrong feels like answering a question in class, and then the mean kid in back snickers while saying “oh my god,” and then you don’t speak in class for the next four years.

I learned this morning that I have two bites of Taco Bell per hot sauce packet.