😂😂

a man in a red shirt is walking down an alley with two other men . Alt: a man in a red shirt is walking down an alley with two other men .

"Nice and easy, boys. We don't want anyone missing dinner and piano lessons tonight"

damn it, grabbed 'DeezNutz' instead of 'Drafts' (again)

I don't know about you but I make anxious Curly sounds when I read the news

Look, I’m an asshole but at least I feel shitty about it sometimes

"I'm a pretty quick study" - Me, a man celebrating 43 years of squirting a little mustard water on his bread

you can’t keep talkin like that bro, that’s the kinda talk that’ll get us thrown out of the pink pony club

[guy who never watched "War Games" (1983)]

"We should definitely let AI run our military operations. What could go wrong?"

a man is dancing in a fountain in front of a group of people Alt: a dad is marking his territory in a ritualistic dad-dance while his family looks on admiringly|embarrassingly

"Hold on, honey, someone's frontin' on my dadhood"

Dads Gone Wild

👀

* menacingly throws Dad gang signs at you *

Ghosts don't just become friends, they become boosome buddies I'm so sorry and send

Asimov's Fourth Law of Robotics: Have fun!

I would like an app that doesn't make me want to yeet my phone into the sun and do all my business on papyrus scrolls.

chandelier is a french word meaning candle...er....lear *tries to look confident*

Killing someone secretly with a palindrome is a murdrum.

maybe you just had the inflection wrong. Here, try these... *grabs my drafts folder*

My hips don’t lie but the left one complains sometimes

truth, boyeeeee!

This storm was such a bitch I had to listen to AM radio on a dusty old clock radio. This glass of Tab sure hit the spot, though. Have you guys heard of Debby Boone?

pentatonic means that if you scream all your pent up rage into a pillow five times within one sitting it will turn into a tonic i completely understand if you need to mute me now

yearning for the halcyon days of....tuesday

February is too short for a lot of women. They're generally attracted to taller months.

I miss strutting. It was easier to feign confidence when you could just strut everywhere.

this week was a screaming duress

Almost time to refresh the spirit and tone up your system with a tonic of sassafras, spicebush, sweet birch, or maybe doing rails off your lover’s ass