"SUBpoena? As if! I'm a dom!"

Ah yes, this administration famously cares about what's ok for teenage girls

Kristi Noem (maybe) having an affair with Corey Lewandowski is as sexy as bathing in hot dog water.

I'm surprised Kristi Noem didn't shout "The Corey LewanDOWski is up!"

I hope for FEMINISM that Gavin Newsom knows there are also vile MAGA women he can interview

"Everything's computer" - how I sound when IT support asks me any question about my issue

Sean Spicer saying the Dems' "Choose Your Fighter" video was cringe isn't wrong...but, bro, you were on Dancing With the Stars

Imagine dating this guy and he has to log
"eating p u $$ y" into his nutrition tracker

The Vagina Museum is also what I call my Vagina at this point

Daily Slop Out here consuming content like it's a Hometown Buffet

sloppyjoproductions.substack.com/p/daily-slop

Franklin, TN! Come hang at the Sunday Punchlines comedy show and open mic tomorrow

My biological clock also attempting to spring forward

Eating Disorder TikTok somehow found me - I'm flattered they think I'm so young that I need to be introduced to the concept

Traffic School keeps showing cool, sexy alpha MAGA males to teach me that I shouldn't even try to compete on the road

Chris Cuomo and Bill O'Reilly on tour together? They shoulda named it "Help Us Pay Our Legal Fees Tour"

I get most of my confidence from having two inches on Napoleon

Not to pull the rug out from under Gavin Newsom, but, when he runs, he will lose. He has too much baggage, people don't trust him, and he's not an exciting candidate that Dems can rally around. He has presidential hair, though.

"If you think this flat earth is cool, may I interest you in my chest?" - me, flirting in the bunker

"Great job [applause]" - me to men after Elon puts a chip in my brain

If court records are to be believed, crypto isn't Trump's first "pump and dump" scheme

And I'm not ruling out representing the USA in basketball at the 2028 Olympics

An Oscars haiku:
Adrien Brody
That dude truly sucks so hard
Ran the fucking light

Me watching comedy when the "punchline" is just a slur

JD Vance looks like he got this line from a "How to be a Dom" book, the sequel to "The Mystery Method"

My Oscar speech would be about how they should bring air conditioning back to movie theaters

Can we put Elon, JD, and Stephen Miller in the Elimination Chamber and stream it?

Marjorie Taylor Green's boyfriend, who asked Zelenskyy if he has a suit, looks like if Sean Spicer forgot to take The Substance

Joe Rogan should get an honorary Oscar tonight for his role as "guy pretending anything Elon says is funny"

I always think Newsmax is gonna be a porn version of the news

When your boss is in the Google Doc with you