a close up of a cartoon character with a purple mask ALT: a close up of a cartoon character with a purple mask

Drop your crime fighting Catholics

U.S. Reaches Trade Deal With Pedotopia

U.S. Reaches Trade Deal With Pedotopia theonion.com/u-s-reaches-trade-deal-w...

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Adventures

crying

Chart shows the success of Biden's Inflation Reduction Act to combat post-pandemic inflation and the subsequent failure of Trump. #Trumpflation

Melania Trump wants these photos and emails to be scrubbed from the Internet. Please stop liking and sharing them. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Rising Conservative Star Just Guy Wearing Nazi Armband And Crying

Rising Conservative Star Just Guy Wearing Nazi Armband And Crying theonion.com/rising-conservative-star...

Insecure, Frustrated Bully With Something To Prove Considering Career In Law Enforcement

Insecure, Frustrated Bully With Something To Prove Considering Career In Law Enforcement theonion.com/insecure-frustrated-bull...

God Considering Moving Dinosaurs To Separate Area Of Heaven

God Considering Moving Dinosaurs To Separate Area Of Heaven theonion.com/god-considering-moving-d...

"Universal health coverage is not merely a technical goal to be achieved; it is primarily a moral imperative for societies that wish to call themselves just." —Pope Leo XIV

a close up of a monster 's head with sharp teeth ALT: a close up of a monster 's head with sharp teeth

Post a gif of who you wanted to be as a kid

Fear not, Patriots! If the “Iran War” doesn’t start moving his numbers in a positive direction, there’s always “Plan B."
@theonion.com

Republicans will pass laws to keep you from voting rather than giving you a reason to vote for them…

Spring forward... Fall back... whatever.

Can we just pick ONE & stick with it once & for ALL?!!! ⏰

“I smell a promotion.” Joey Bovinett, Lawn Waterer

DOJ Employee Charged In Child Pornography Case theonion.com/doj-employee-charged-in-...

Kristi Noem Reassigned To Scarecrow Role At USDA

Kristi Noem Reassigned To Scarecrow Role At USDA theonion.com/kristi-noem-reassigned-t...

Please Reply: "I am against this war with Iran"

If you are against this war. Let them know it.

Share on all socials!

Death Threat Proves How Much Ex Really Cares

Death Threat Proves How Much Ex Really Cares theonion.com/death-threat-proves-how-...

Remind your children that they’re fasting because of the Lord and not because you can’t afford groceries.

Tips For Observing Lent https://theonion.com/tips-for-observing-lent/

Trump Suffers Setback Unrelated To Child Rape

Trump Suffers Setback Unrelated To Child Rape

Bookseller Scrambles To Hide All The Classics After Seeing Emerald Fennell Approaching Door

Bookseller Scrambles To Hide All The Classics After Seeing Emerald Fennell Approaching Door theonion.com/bookseller-scrambles-to-...

Gladys Mae West obituary: mathematician who pioneered GPS technology She made key contributions to US cold-war science despite facing huge barriers as a Black woman.

No joke: I got angry hate mail today for writing an obituary of a Black woman scientist—because the person felt she did didn’t deserve the recognition.

Which just makes me want to share it again: www.nature.com/articles/d41...

Texas — Trump supporter fights kids

Kids win

www.instagram.com/reel/DUS-0sy...

Donate to Alex Pretti is an American Hero, organized by Keith Edwards On January 24, 2026, Alex Jeffrey Pretti, a Minneapolis resident and American citizen wa… Keith Edwards needs your support for Alex Pretti is an American Hero

If you’re able, please support this verified GoFundMe for Alex Pretti’s family. And if you’re not in a position to donate, sharing it far and wide matters just as much. It’s at $300K and counting.

ICE Deems Being In Privacy Of Own Home Obstruction Of Justice WASHINGTON—Warning that any attempt to spend time inside a personal residence constituted hostile interference with federal operations, Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials announced Thursday...

“When an individual enters their residence, conceals themselves behind a closed door, and attempts to go about their everyday life, they are willfully impeding the important work of law enforcement officers and engaging in domestic terrorism,” said DHS spokesperson Tricia McLaughlin