I just drove by a church and they crucified a doctor!

After 35 years, I'm not sure she's still a pet. More like a roommate. She swims in her aquarium and eats bugs, I dance naked and make art. We're like some old couple from Mendo county. #NationalPetDay

Use 👏 American 👏 steel 👏 for 👏 your 👏 presidential 👏 ballroom 👏

Every muppet last name is either Muppet or The Muppet until otherwise designated. #IHaveSpoken

The Borg Queen: Prepare for assimilation.

Riker whips out his trombone: BWAwawaWaaaaWAAAwawawaWA

The Borg Queen: You know what, we’re good, actually

META should rename all their apps for unverified people "1-3 days later".

This is the records department, where we listen to vinyl music and chill. You need to go to information archives.

HoneyBee Croc Rock! by Alice Rabbit on Apple Music Album · 2026 · 7 Songs

Here is a short album of music I made for a series of puppet videos I also made. Two of the songs are about smile. SMILES. #Smile music.apple.com/us/album/hon...

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia meme: the gang saying "I've had enough of this dude." I added a photo of Trump

Not gonna refer to anyone as a comedian unless I find them funny. Otherwise, they're just a pudcaster.

donkey kong is a cartoon character from the video game nintendo wii . ALT: donkey kong is a cartoon character from the video game nintendo wii .

Ask yourself, would you rather have children story time read by a drag queen, or the latest terrible person who has a comedy not-so-special?

"Celibate good times, but you can't come on!" - UNKOOL & The Gang (of not banging)

In my region, sometimes you have to get clarification as to whether something is fucked, or totally fucked. If, asking for clarification, the thing or event in question is merely fucked, it's salvageable or can be chalked up to subjectivity. If, it's totally fucked, it's a paperweight or a horror.

A floor is a wall except it’s eepy.

Ceilings be high AF.

JIGSAW: all your life you've really drowned people to death in urine by being late all the time VICTIM: boy I don't like where this is going tweeted by Cohen KING OF GHOSTS @skullmandible, 8/9/15

Mr. Noems titties will be chipping in to reduce the price of whole milk, famously drunk sweaty and shirtless by another pair of uneven boobs.

Law enforcement guarding a bathroom from trans people. Call that a shit cop.

You’ll know if I discover a new species of dinosaur because I WILL name it Clitaurus. #IFoundIt

My grandfather was a Lieutenant in the Navy where there is no rank of Lt. Major but because his last name is literally Major, he was called that. I just think that’s neat. #Navy

Any motherfucker that tries to make me go through conversion therapy will have their pronouns converted to was/were. #TDOV

Reminds me of not putting enough milk in the powdered cheese mix for my, Jac & Cheese. #IllShowMyselfOut

people can't survive off Visibility! if you have money give money

I’m no lawyer but I find it interesting that Christian conversion therapy practitioners have the right to tell kids they aren’t trans but those kids’ teachers apparently don’t have the right to say they are trans and people on the internet may not have the right to affirm them being trans either

How dare anyone call me un-American when I just spent over 200$ on specifically comically-large household items? #TransLivesMatter

I bet RFKjrs spunk doesn’t need a special light to glow in the dark.

Thinking about using a wheelchair just so nobody asks me to dance.

Two ceramic pigs labeled "pigs with no specific duties"

Every picture of ICE agents in airports is just this again

TSA at least passed DHS background checks before being allowed on the secure side of security. If you worked at a coffee shop past security you had your background checked. Any one of these ICE-holes are likely wandering around unchecked with guns in secure areas.

Bus ride looking good about now.

kermit the frog is covering his mouth with his hand and looking at the camera . ALT: kermit the frog is covering his mouth with his hand and looking at the camera .

Members of TSA had to be told numerous times not to wiggle the sensitive airplane instruments on the plane fuselages as a way to "kick the tires" when they had zero authority or knowledge over the mechanical working of these multi-ton machines flying human lives miles into the air. Now there's ICE.