Lighting a fire under your ass, and lighting your ass on fire are not the same thing.

Save Jen's Eyesight!, organized by Abigail Carper Hello, everyone! My name is Abigail, and I'm reaching out to you today with a heartfelt plea for … Abigail Carper needs your support for Save Jen's Eyesight!

Can't believe we've surpassed 30% of the goal to aid in saving my remaining sight after sudden, devastating retina detachments & related complications. See how you can join in and aid me in my fight! 💜 #RetinalDetachment #Medical #SavingSight #GoFundMe

guys be like “i know a spot” and it’s chernobyl

This random human that just started following you cares about you. This other person can kick bricks, but you souks stay right hereand wait for the influx of hugs!

Save Jen's Eyesight!, organized by Abigail Carper Hello, everyone! My name is Abigail, and I'm reaching out to you today with a heartfelt plea for … Abigail Carper needs your support for Save Jen's Eyesight!

I find it extremely difficult to ask for help, but 3 Retina surgeries in, with at least one more to come, I find myself in an untenable financial situation. My sister has, kindly, set up this Fundraiser for me. Any and all donations/shares greatly appreciated!

I am The Kobiyashi Maru in female form.

I am 100% done with people in my life telling me I'm not allowed to get angry and frustrated with the American medical system. That I should be grateful. That I should just accept it. That I should only complain if I have a plan to fix it. #kvetching

What's the difference between a prostate and a garden hose? ...Well sir, there's a vas deferens.

my hedonic treadmill is motorised, stuck on high speed, and with a 70 degree incline

Worm in Richard Scarry Apple car

“Diane, 11:30 a.m., February 24th. Entering the town of Twin Peaks.”

I've been dealing with Retina Detachment (eventually both eyes) and Retinoschisis issues since May. If you want/need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to reach out! It's incredibly hard not just on the patient, but on any partner/carer.

Autocorrect is my enema.

ABSOLUTE UNIT

I relate to this far too much.

💜

"Benign" is not just a square on a bingo card.

My Spirit Animal is the slow loris.

Was willst du von mein leben?

Who's got money for name brand crackers? That is preposterous

you might think "oh, John Wick is reloading, now's my chance". but he is so good at reloading dude

Venn diagram showing common themes between The Big Lebowski, Prometheus, and Saruman. The overlap between Lebowski and Prometheus is "Severe liver damage". The overlap between Prometheus and Saruman is "Cunning technological firewielder deity". The overlap between Lebowski and Saruman is "Obsession with large heavy ball". And the overlap between all three is: "I hate the fuckin eagles, man"

Indeed.

Twitter was fun because it asked the question "how bad can a website before you stop interacting with it a hundred times a day" and it turns out there was an answer

once a year there should be a sort of purge day at the zoo where if you can get an animal to your car you get to keep that animal

I think far too many people don't stop long enough to run about this, not when it's right there, a click-of-that-headline away. I always try to "Protect my Peace" whenever possible/needed. Thank you for this.

Think I called it with this one

Picture of ALF

Reminder that the Speaker of the House does not have to be a Member of Congress

Sometimes life gives you lemmings; Don't worry. Just position yourself a safe distance from the edge of a cliff, and the problem will resolve itself presently.

I haven't slept for ten days...

Because that would be too long.

I take it back: there’s a consistency to being pro-Ukraine and anti-Palestinian. It’s called white supremacy