"What about my team? How many more times will they be able to look into the abyss, how many times before they won't ever recover the pieces of themselves that this job takes?โ
Supervisory Special Agent and Unit Chief of the BAU
Aaron Hotchner
๐ผ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ผ'๐ฃ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ฆ๐๐ข ๐๐๐ก๐ ๐๐ฆ ๐ค๐๐๐๐.
โ rp
โ mdni
โ canon, au, crossover friendly
It's pushing yourself when you haven't been sleeping right.
[ He's not going to argue โ Spencer won't be thrilled if he's not allowed to work. But he is going to keep an eye out. ]
Don't push yourself, Reid.
[ It's a quick text to JJ to drop copies of the papers off for Reid to look over. ]
She'll be by in about ten minutes.
It's not a question of how fast you read, pretty boy. You're not supposed to be working.
[ He nudges Spencer's shoulder. ]
I'll text JJ.
I can ask Hotch to drop them off. Or JJ, she's more likely to break that rule if I ask.
I can't say it'll be bedtime reading.
[ Derek opens the pictures on his phone and passes them over for Spencer to begin looking through. ]
I bet I can keep you awake, sweet thing. What do you need from me?
They're not working anything right now. It's a guy we picked up a couple months back โ finally got access to all of his journals, and Hotch is thinking we might find clues to where he buried other bodies in his writing.
[ Derek nudges Spencer's leg lightly with one hand, glancing at him with a faint grin. ]
Unofficially, I'll let the kid look at anything you send, too, but I'll keep it off the record. Later, Hotch.
conversation with Hotch. ]
Send anything over you want me to look at and I'll give it a look.
[ Derek has taken a little bit of time to pick up anything else that might have been knocked to the floor before he'd gotten there, and he's cleaned up just a little bit โ hasn't moved anything, hadn't tried to reorganize, just cleaned some. He's on his phone when Spencer comes out, seemingly mid
Sure, kid.
[ Derek watches Spencer over the rim of his cup, careful to keep his analyzing to a minimum. He doesn't try to profile Spencer, but it's easy when Spencer wears his emotions on his face.]
๐ฐ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐ฐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
โข ๐ฅ๐ฃ.
โข ๐๐ฎ๐ป๐ผ๐ป ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐๐จ.
โข ๐ ๐๐ก๐.
make you weak or bad at your job.
Yeah, I did. And not every call I made helped me get there. We all do things that we may regret after the fact.
[ Derek shrugs slightly and takes a drink from his coffee, debating what he should and shouldn't say. Ultimately, he doesn't know how much anything he says will help Spencer. ]
Doesn't
I like baseball fine, prefer playing to watching. But football is my game.
Yknow, it was never really my game.
and worked out every day, I was a thirteen year old kid raised by a single mother in the south side of Chicago. And let me tell you, that kid never thought he'd be here.
[ Derek keeps a pretty tight lock on anything that might shake his image. Anything that might reveal too much. It's only been a few months since he almost went to prison for the locks he keeps shut tight. ]
Yeah? Well, before I was authorized to carry a gun and a badge, before I played football
sighs and passes the mug over, raising the second mug in both hands. ]
You know a pretty carefully crafted version of me that I put forward at work. It's not the whole story.
That's a lot of assumption about what I would and wouldn't do in a situation you've never seen me in. I know I've made choices you wouldn't make. I made a choice that almost cost me my life, and even knowing exactly how that turned out, I'd make the same choice. We're not the same, Reid.
[ Derek
pouring coffee for them both. ]
We all make choices, Reid.
I'm not talking about right and wrong. You did something to help yourself survive a bad situation, after something horrible was done to you. There's not a right or wrong, it's just what happened. A choice was made, and we're here now.
[ Derek opens the cabinet and pulls out a couple of mugs,
Sure thing, kid.
[ Derek sighs and watches coffee brew in the pot for a moment. ]
You know this isn't your fault, right? It's important to me that you know that this was something done to you.
I'm glad you're giving me this, but I need you to know I'm not here to guilt you. I just didn't think you should be alone.
[ Derek glances at the bottle and the syringes, and the looks up at Spencer, appraising him for a long moment. ]
You know, I'm not here to force your hand in anything.
[ He picks up the bottle and tucks it into his pocket โ he'll do something with it later if that's still what Spencer wants. ]
No, you can't.
[ Derek chuckles and heads into the kitchen. Now, he's only ever been in Spencer's apartment once or twice, but he does know how to make coffee. ]
I know I didn't. Let me help you.
[ When the worst of the withdrawal starts to kick in, Spencer's going to be either furious that Derek's here, or thrilled that he is โ Derek doesn't know. But he's sticking around, and he's going to help clean up.]
