They say money can’t buy happiness, and for Mets fans that’s veeeeryyyyy trueeee 😘

Congratulations to the Mets for their 12th straight loss. At this point, even the Mets are protesting playing as the Mets.

Infowars/Onion combo logo in rainbow saying “I support the onion’s hostile media takeover.”

It’s finally happened. After 18 months. Finally, a media merger you can root for.

Justice for the plesiosaur which is “not technically a dinosaur” for perverse reasons of naming or whatever but which is a dinosaur forever IN MY HEART

I hope you finished! We… will… soon…

Why am I up blue skying at midnight? (blue birding? I’m not using the word skeets for my own mental health) - because someone didn’t finish their taxes and if I fuck this up, I might go to jail 🤗 this is an exceptional system of financial governance!!

Annnnd who aren’t sexual predators!!!!

Like what did Swalwell bring to the table? He’s a white dude who was vaguely Republican and then became an outsider ish dem? He has a perpetual almost beard and is into Asians? Y’alls could throw a rock in any major Californian city and hit 10 dudes with the same qualifications.

As a woman, I offer my sympathies to the Pope who is now being told hourly by very many random men what he actually means

at last someone who understands the history of yore!!!

The rye chip is the best out of all chex mix ingredients. Anyone who disagrees with me is working for big pretzel.

Bunnies in a raft pull up next to a spaceship capsule, which has just splashed down and is floating in the open sea. Visible in the capsule, two bunnies wave at the ones in the boat.

Daily bunny no.3285 made it home safely

NASA isn't why the US doesn't have universal healthcare, or a social safety net. The US doesn't have those things because politicians with the power to provide them choose specifically not to (with varying levels of support from voters). Enthusiasm for human spaceflight doesn't drive that choice.

I JUST REALLY NEEDED THIS OK? bsky.app/profile/usil...

Also shoutout to this guy dancing!!!! WHO SAYS SCIENTISTS CAN’T EXPERIENCE JOY???

COPY MOON JOY will now be my go to response

Congratulations to Venezuela for what can only be described as a nail biter. An incredible game for a wild WBC. A team that won with so much heart. INCREDIBLE WORK!!! I NEED TO LAY DOWN!!

Given how poorly America has been doing, I feel like a Dominican Republic vs Venezuela would be a phenomenal match up.

Congrats to Venezuela for an amazing game. Hot damn. Knocking out Japan (sob), but oh man with such verve!

I think every time men complain about women in video games, they should be forced to play as tofu but with hands (and little gloves.)

Was off coffee. Now am back on. If the end of the world seems nigh, I don’t want to under caffeinated for it etc

Good morning! My country is trying to bring about the second coming of Christ via Armageddon. How are youuuuu doing?

We’re all trying to make the best of blue sky the way someone forced out of their apartment after a break up is like “well you know it could be worse.”

I’m so bereft. I loved red dwarf!

When people ask me how is the industry, I think I should be allowed to just honk a giant clown nose really hard and let it deflate for several minutes.

I would be dead 2 years before anyone would realize because that’s how strong my disappearance would be

You wouldn’t see me outside of a quick and cute promo that I would hire someone else to make.

I’M ONLY HERE SO I DON’T GET FINED

Satire writers going back to the drawing board once again-

Big fan of baths. It’s so nice sinking into a warm body of water and trying really hard to return to the primordial ooze