My family is dressed up like doctors wearing lab coats. We all have on blue gloves and myself and my kids have a glob of ointment on our first two fingers. My husband is holding a gallon sized jar of “Hermans root and herb curative liniment”. The card reads “this Christmas give the gift of Hermans” and it lists a bunch of illnesses it can cure including scrofula, dropsy, Black Death, restless legs, autism, French pox, and tennis elbow. A ribbon in the corner says “this is your pappy’s liniment”
This is the back of the card there are many photos of my family demonstrating how to use Hermans. In one photo our cat is licking Hermans off a comically large syringe. We claim that a spoonful cures belly aches, that it’s a doctor in a jar, and that it contains home grown ingredients. The largest photo is of the whole family. One kid has hermans all over their hands and is licking it off both hands, I am rubbing hermans into my neck, my husband is brushing his teeth with hermans, and my daughter has a LOT of hermans all over her face.
The text reads:
This Christmas, give the gift of timeless health with Herman’s Curative Liniment! Buy our classic 128 fl. oz. jar or our new, easy-to-swallow pills for the family on the go! With once forgotten ailments like measles making a comeback, why not trust a remedy from the good ‘ol days? Rub it on, eat it up, apply it anywhere. Yes, anywhere! Our all natural ingredients are safe for everyone in the family, including your pets. And how do we know our liniment jelly works?
We simply believe in our hearts that it does! It’s the perfect cure for the modern malady and the perfect gift under the tree. Get some Hermans today, your mitochondria will thank you!
It would be time for the holidays without my family making a truly ridiculous Christmas card.