VIOLENCE is never the answer, my granddad used to say. As such, when I appeared on The Weakest Link a few years back, and Anne Robinson asked "What "V' is a noun meaning 'physical force intend. ed to hurt, damage or kill?'," I said I didn't know, and subsequently got voted off without winning a penny. Thanks a fucking bunch, granddad. T Ellen, London

Having a Tuesday night beer because I'm such a grate bloke.

A sign reading POKER GARDEN

"But officer I was only doing what the sign told me"

Bloody Radio Times, spoiling the cliffhanger.

I like how the Michael Jackson film posters have ‘from the producers of bohemian rhapsody’ & they think that’s a recommendation & not a threat

Or 'X The Everything App' as it's now known.

Willfully ignorant weirdos. The worst kind.

It should of course be pointed out that the first war in history where people were more likely to be killed by enemy action than disease was... the First World War.

Well I for one can't see this having any disastrously predictable future repercussions.

It's a shame BBC4 don't make standalone fictionalised dramas of true showbiz events anymore, because a 90-minute film of Jarvis waving his arse at Jacko and Bob Mortimer attempting to bail him out would do gangbusters.

So who plays Jarvis Cocker in this Michael Jackson biopic, then? That's the only bit anyone wants to see, shurely?

Wot?

He usually goes for lower than 27...

Ouch! Feel better soon, me love x

I mean, the Munich Putsch was so comically farcical it'd make sense...

Given what's happening with Iran and everything, it just feels like the bit in In the Loop where they're having to take calls about a collapsing constituency wall when they're at the UN.

Email to all: 'Friendly reminder that there's still time to sponsor me!!'

The dullest micro scandal in history, being covered like it’s the OJ trial.

He'd have been an early adopter, too. Man was an unstoppable nerd.

This morning I’ve seen Olly Robbins’s appearance before the select committee described as ‘box office’, while a commentator flagged up another key political moment with the words ‘bring the popcorn’.

That’s one of our main problems right there.

Barry Cryer

Remembering Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, born on this day, one hundred years ago.

Look, if you keep asking questions then correspondents won't be invited to his pressers anymore.

I bet he gets the films muddled up to an infuriating degree, as well.

Just can't summon any interest in this Starmer story. It's like the media's obsession with Wrexham FC all over again.

Not satisfied with giving you homework to understand their product, Marvel resorts to retrofitting it. It's like they actively hate things being enjoyable.

Poster describing the 'Downfall of the Dictators is Assured'. From Imperial War Musuem collection.

I know I've posted this before but I fucking love this poster.

Need to get a print framed and put up on the wall.

Stevie Wonder isn't blind.

Today we remember the horrific tragedy of the Columbine shooting. 27 years later, it is a disgrace that gun violence is still the leading cause of death for children in America.

Les Dawson is unimpressed

Tuesday

The First WORLD FENCING LEAGUE is happening April 25th!!! I'M GEEKING!!!

Japanese engineers developed this "Sword Tip Visualisation" tracking technology specifically for this event that will make it so much easier for the average person to see what's going on!

I MUST WATCH THIS ENTIRE TOURNAMENT