He shot her and then called her a fucking bitch and if he doesn't have DV in his history I will eat this phone I am typing on right now

It is such absolute bullshit that in the midst of all this we still have to think about what to have for fucking dinner

*tapping Congress* Uh, is this thing on?

Let me blow everyone’s mind for the holidays: this is the very cafe where my legendary portrait with Leroy was taken!

it’s almost as if we should have taken the whole grab ‘em by the p*ssy thing a bit more seriously

you meant “smeowboarding,” obviously

IF I WANTED A PLAYFUL SPLEEN I WOULD JUST DROP ACID LIKE A NORMAL PERSON QUINN

Volume matters more because Bubie’s hearing isn’t great

OH MY GOD *crawls into corner, weeps quietly*

actual Cat Mitzvah!

Ha!
(True)

HOW SMOL KITTEH HAZ JAZZ HANDS BUT NO THUMBS

HOW SMOL KITTEH HAZ SURVIVED REICHENBACH FALLS

tfw the president is trying to do an insurrection (again) to keep us from finding out that he's a rapist (again)

quiet piggy, we know you have no idea what "seditious" means

OH MY GOD TRIGGER WARNING PLEASE

Them: An English degree? You’ll never get a job
Also them, panicking, at every fucking job I’ve ever had: OMG OMG OMG CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME WRITE THIS

Fixed it

BREAKING NEWS MOM HAD A LIFE BEFORE YOU WERE EVEN A ASH OFF MY MARLBORO LITE NOW EVERYONE GET TO BED AND STAY THERE

but Quinn what can it do when NOT full of soup is the question *breathes into paper bag*

OKAY WAIT WAIT WAIT YOU NEVER TOLD ME THE MURDERPAWS ARE ALSO CRAMPONS WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL

Interrupting your regularly-scheduled snark to say that if you are a survivor of SA, please take care of yourself on social media (and elsewhere) while these Epstein emails are being dumped. I can’t even imagine how triggering some of this stuff must be.

or--and stay with me here--we could have just believed the women

GUMBUS KNOWZ THAT ALL BODIEZ ARE BIKINI BODIEZ

SMOL KITTEH HAZ PARKA WILL TRAVEL

this is either the most wholesome and delightful thing ever or we're going to read about the two mysteriously unalived hoomans in tomorrow's papers