It's taken me ages to find the number 1 on my advent calendar!

Dear I'm A Celebrity Contestants , You are not on a "Journey Of Self Discovery" You are on a Game Show,Where you may eat Crocodile Penis,And people back home laugh at you.Deal with it!

"Like i was saying, the circus is just one of my careers. The real money comes from the frosty adverts."

Confucius Says "Christmas Trees Are Like Priests...Their Balls Are Just For Decoration"

My neighbour is scraping her car. So far she's scraped it against my wall our next door's gate and the post box at the end of the road.

I'm on the bus we're in a long queue stuck behind a fairground ride! We're all screaming but he won't go any faster!

My three favourite Saints, St Ivel, St Etienne and St John’s Ambulance.

On Channel 4 this Christmas there’s hope for those seeking solace away from traditional Christmas pudding in…

Escape to the gateau

I Miss the Days when you could chuck anything in the Bins without having to think about it for 10 minutes first!

If #Disney films taught me anything, It's that Dalmatians are prolific breeders!

Not for you I'm afraid Jan. Yours would be scrummy soft chocolate. 😘😘

Very well put you little midget gem. 😄

You could tell that huh? 🤣🤣🤣

I suppose I could make allowances? 🎅🏻😂

The first person I hear using the phrase 'Sleeps until Christmas' will be hit in and around the face with a Large Wooden Advent calendar!

Friday. From the Latin. Come here you sexy little bugger and kiss me.

I don't believe it and you won't either but I was actually listening to Alice Cooper (Take it like a woman) as I read your post!. I went over the Clyde arc in March when we went to see the Stranglers in Glasgow, who also supported Alice Cooper the year before last! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👍🏻

"I knew something like this would happen"!!-me, when I had no clue something like that would happen!

Twitter fact checkers at work.

Morning Jan. The sun is out here again . I'm at a loss to explain what is happening whether wise. We've had sunshine every day since the kids returned to school ..... Oh hang on I've figured it out! 😄

Very good Chris! 😂👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👍🏻

If you see this post a picture of a #bridge from your gallery.Hagg Bank Bridge Over the river Tyne at Wylam, Northumberland,England.

Safe travels. Carol x

My favourite song from the sound of music is that one about the lonely goat turd. 😉

I saw Barbara Windsor in Newcastle's Grainger market joking about the size of one of the traders Melons.

The man who invented gambling has died. His funeral will take place on: Monday 8-1 Tuesday 3-1 Wednesday 5-1 Thursday 10-1 Friday 15-1.

Hi Louise. You look familiar? 🤪😄😘

I tried making a Carrot cake earlier! Easy peasy, don't see what all the fuss is about. Follow me for easy peasy recipes...

When I have a tough decision to make, I ask myself…
“What would Jesus do?”
Then, I remember how things turned out for him…And, toss a coin.

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.