Tim Apple got Cooked?

a group of people sitting on a couch with a boombox in the background . ALT: a group of people sitting on a couch with a boombox in the background .

FBI Director Be Like:

Ha, That pussy Kash Patel can't handle his liquor.

Oh no, The non-existent Iran ceasefire is about to expire.

Pretty much the scene where Vivian is in the Rodeo Drive boutique and she says "Huge Mistake. Huuuge!

Deni Avdija looks like the guy that steals your parking spot and then yells at you.

I can’t stop laughing at this completely incompetent man

going to burgle a bunch of ham tonight just to see what they call me on the news tomorrow

Bae of Pig?

🧏‍♂️: I bet you won't call that gambling hotline.

👨: Your on!

I hate that saying “if you know you know” because no I don’t know

How owning a dog can help your heart:

1. You will realize that you have one.

Have you accepted Doogie Howser MD as your personal Savior?

scene from the movie Airplane! Top Panel: A woman on an airplane leans over a seat with a concerned expression. The subtitle reads: "Excuse me, are you a doctor?" Bottom Panel: The actor Leslie Nielsen (who played Dr. Rumack) has been edited to look like Jesus Christ, featuring long white hair, a white beard, and a red robe draped over his shoulder. He looks ahead seriously, and the subtitle reads: "That's right."

Swine Snatcher?

Dr Dre

Went to the local Twin Peaks and I got "Shawty Service"

I get food insecurity when there is only once slice of pizza left at a gathering.

*sprays your ear hair patch with RoundUp*

Get a hold of yourself Gotye *slap* She's not worth it * slap*

“We always seem to have money for war. But not to feed the poor.”

Some of you can still party like a rock star*

*the 75-year-old lead singer of the group Air Supply

Alternate headline: Anti-Christ upset for being called out for being unchristian.

sorry if this is controversial but i prefer when things are good instead of when they are bad

From a post:

“Told my wife to have dinner ready by 6 or I'll obliterate her entire civilization.

So anyway, she now charges me a fee to use the bathroom that used to be free, and I didn't get any dinner, but I'm pretty sure I won that exchange.”