not to mention that it is apparently fucking illegal to sell a decent coffee at a bagel place

bagels are an incredible food but the default toppings are just... intolerably shit. what do you have on this? oh a big fucking whack of cream cheese? some fucking salmon? CAPERS? are you insane?

"Late Evening" - my oil painting

have to wear a blood pressure cuff for the next 24 hours and there truly is a specific type of hell that is "something is on you that you cannot take off"

HOROSCOPE SITE OWNER IN 2020: we're going to buy servers in two places. ukraine and the strait of hormuz. we're going to be bulletproof

surely he's in the running as the worst federal nats leader?

read through the liberal party review and you really take two things away from it:
- they were far, far more gentle with dutton than i expected
- the libs are essentially fucked

can someone add the liberal party review of the 2025 election to goodreads? asking for a friend

also it is genuinely staggering how big of a loser dutton is (as the liberal bill shorten) and how much of a weird coward corman was. talk about throwing your career away for nothing!

listening to turnbull's autobiography and it really is striking how dutton - and through him, abbott - destroyed the liberal party purely out of a frothing hatred of malcolm turnbull. one of the most consequential rivalries in australian history

character idea - greg bibs. wears bibs. murderer.

"but lukes is so good" i hear people say. well, have you considered having a less wet banh mi? one that is less sopping? a banh mi that isn't full of the worlds greasiest pork?

one thing that sucks about living in the north of melbourne is that the banh mi's suck. there's good food here but your only choice for a banh mi is lukes and they're too wet

DOCTOR: I told him he needed to get out to a show, that was how he would cure his depression.

CHOTINER: So you learned this technique in school?

DR: No, not— listen it was good advice. Pagliacci was in town.

C: Right. Is it standard to give advice before learning a patient’s name?

DR: Now look

shaving my head has taught me that my head a topographical fun zone, heavily influenced by the sudden introduction of a glass table to the side of my head at like 4 years old

Ana Samways: Is Judith Collins doing her own tweeting? Danyl McLachlan: @JudithCollinsMP You're walking through a desert and you see a turtle lying on its back, struggling. You don't help it. Why is that? Judith Collins: @danylmc it's going to die anyway? Danyl: @anasamways @judithcollinsmp it's her alright.

Let's remember Judith Collins for that time Danyl performed the Voight-Kampff test on her to prove it was actually her running her Twitter account.

fuck yeah

i thought this was mince and an egg. i’m high

looks sick! in my experience the first one takes the longest to get and they tend to become a lot easier to get afterwards

when your face is the colour and texture of a frog and your hand is intensely white and bruised, you know what they say: nothing wrong here!

the nats leaving shadow cabinet finally lets some of the backbench libs move into the spotlight to shine. here's a few of the new faces:
- racist small business owner
- small business owner (racist)
- free market fanatic (owns a racist small business)
- sock with face drawn on (leadership potential)

carney has drunk a fuckload of red cordial and decided to simply end the rules based world order as a farce. love to see it

mark carney's speech at davos: i have never seen a politician speak this way in my lifetime. you can see the world order shifting in real time

saw a takeaway place that advertised their dim sims by cutting them in half and showing the cross section. in the politest way possible: what the fuck is your problem?

Imagine having the entire news media, the entire opposition and a bunch of former Olympians attacking you literally non-stop for a month, and the outcome is a poll which matches your 2025 election landslide. #auspol #newspoll

the people are desperate for edible gluten free food. i hope that with my substantial donation to a local cafe they can finally make some one day

it actually cost more than that because of the fancy bread

first day back on the low gluten diet, had a toastie from a cafe with gluten free bread. it was only largely inedible rather than completely inedible which seems like a step in the right direction

any wallet recommendations? i have come to terms with the fact mine is gone and now i am open to being hurt again

few things have improved my quality of life more than getting my sleep schedule in order