Fuck the 407.

AMERICA FACT: JD Vance is the first vice president in history whose name rhymes with lady pants

So you can pretend to knock those towers over again and again, fun!

From your lips to Mel Gibson and Jon Voight's ears.

Oh yeah make sure you get the advice BEFORE you give him a "taste" of your whisky. MF drank two thirds of my bottle then goes 'dont count your money until the nighttime.'

Sounds like someone is on a tour through the cosmos, sorry.

Jemmidoon, sausage-o's! Can't believe it's been 10 years since the world got WAY less funny.

I got something to say,
I employed a baby today,
And it made a sweat shop shirt for me,
With fabric and thread.

Shit this is gonna be nuts

Adults without kids: Haha I did the cutest thing the other day

If I ever meet Marilu Henner I'm gonna be like 'Marilu, so good to see you again!' and just see what happens.

I can't tell you how comforted I was by this interview. Thank you truly. Now to sit back and enjoy the schadenfreude.

Oh my god I never noticed before but on the Nirvana album you can totally see that guy's dick!

Are they selling Nazi paraphernalia at Cracker Barrel yet?

Unfortunately for your side fighting Nazis means crying about it on social media and then doing fuck all to stop it.

This made me sad.

The thought of LeVar Burton hating me is giving me anxiety.

This album is 236 songs of pure gold. Riot Act is a JAAAAM

Okay looks like Bluesky isn't fun anymore, I'm out.

Proud of you!

Here's your chimney sweep and your cartoon pen-guin

I Just Bit Off Leg

My Farrah Fawcett poster?

She is one of the all time best.

Thank you for clipping this, I was explaining this joke to a friend so your tweet was very helpful.

Clunch your jawnu

I am not going to find a better joke on the internet today, this is just a beautiful joke.

Why’s it always “nyc smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”

This tweet was an automatic follow.

They were no Tato Skins but they were pretty delicious.