I might be PMSing as a result of being late on my T shot again with how bad I feel about this.

Ok so I called off work bc I felt sick. Still feel slightly shitty but less so.

Had plans that ended up being cancelled on THEIR end bc their housemate got covid and now I'm sitting here wondering if I should have forced myself to go to work.

Turns out getting a full night's sleep and eating in a safe space makes going to work a hell of a lot easier

Google needs to show me real jobs that don't require standing, excessive walking or talking to people that pay $25 an hour and don't require experience

Please.

This is why I'm better as an artist than working a regular job but jfc the economy is dead

I came back exhausted and just barely avoided multiple meltdowns in the span of an hour and then slept for 3 hours and have since been laying awake unable to get my brain to be quiet. Because my bus pass declined.

Bro

- You are overstimulated from sounds and being on your feet all day
- You are having a meltdown, you do not need to elope to the opposite side of the country
- No you do not need to kill yourself because your bus pass declined today

I love autism. Then I can talk for 4 hours straight about snakes

Me forgetting autism is a disability and needing to relearn my own behavior 75 times a week

The smell of burning plants hasn't left for hours today. I don't know where it's coming from but it's a very distinct smell like burning flowers and herbs for incense. I used to do that pretty frequently but the stuff I had was so low quality that it all smelled the same

IDK why I'm smelling it now

That May paycheck better be fucking phenomenal with working damn near 80 hours between now and then

I love my best friend to the moon and back for getting me through this

Reference sheet of Bud, a combo Pokemon Lureavanny (Lurantis and Leavanny). It shows her from the front, side, and back, with additional bodily details.

I figured I’d make a set design for my Lureavanny finally🍃

#ryuudaigaart #ryuudaigaoc
#lurantis #leavanny #pokemonoc

I hate asking for help. I hate talking about it constantly. I hate feeling like people are getting tired of me needing help and wish I could just post art and do commissions but I have gotten no commissions in ages and haven't had the ability to draw at all lately because I have 0 motivation

Genuinely how does anyone do this. I can't afford to quit this job but I am so overstimulated from fucking everything today. If I didn't have to worry about LIVING OUTSIDE it would be easier but no life has to regularly fuck me in the ass

I cannot express how much I feel like I am going to die and it'll be forcing myself to work while homeless that does it

Tf is the point

If I can't get promoted at this job.

Man.

I also have to do school and driver's ed on top of this. Working enough that I'm physically exhausted every day and get 2 days to recover every week. I might be making too much for fucking Medicaid atp! And then what

People assume I'll make enough to not need help, NO I'm literally just scraping by

Employment ends in November

I make too much for SSI and too much for SNAP for less than a year. Banned from SNAP for 3 years and can't apply for SSI for another year and then have to wait like 5 years to get approved. Maybe get housing for a single year. Maybe. Then what.

I am GOING to die like this if this housing program doesn't get it's ass in gear

I'm applicable for this program for a year and a half more before I'm told to go fuck myself

Also my job is ✨temporary✨ so I can't get my own place even if I could theoretically afford it bc as soon as I lose my job I will have nothing to pay rent with yippee! I love being in poverty

I love making enough money to lose all my benefits for the next 3 years and then losing my income !

Next week I have a shaky plan
A concept of a plan if you will

Outside of that if mutual aid doesn't work out I'm fucked 👉👉

I hope we like abandoned buildings bc my life is going to be spent in Mold City for a bit

I feel like if I was actively malicious on purpose to anyone that's been in my life I'd be in a better position bc the world rewards corruption but I'm not. I can't afford housing and need to sleep outside. But people will paint me as malicious anyway and I just have to let it happen.

Idk I'm kinda just in my feelings today. Work was fine but tiring and I'm going to likely be outside soon cause I can't afford to keep staying here. Got news about some of my family members having cancer and being at the end of their life today so I'm wallowing a bit.

Like I frequently have to reality check myself about this because I know it's hard not to. Especially when hindsight is 20/20. You can see the red flags and patterns years after the initial events happen but god damn some people will really just go out of their way to demonize you needlessly.

I still think it's crazy how some people will twist everything that's ever happened between you and them the moment you have a falling out with them.

Like people pleasing and then getting mad at you for not reading their mind, or changing their mind retroactively to make themselves feel better.

If opioid bad why do opioid fix all of my problems

THAT SAID bro without the respiratory depression effect I would be set bc my head is clearer than it's ever been and I have never in my life felt 0 pain like that at all and I'm sad my body is starting to ache again now that it's wearing off....

Kratom + Hydroxyzine too close together = very very very strong opioid effect and also respiratory depression I've now discovered

Scary as hell

Christ I remember why I don't talk to some people anymore. Feel like my brain is leaking out my ears seeing the shit some people say