New bit I'm working on: Siegfried and Roy Cohn

Jake Sullivan was the Democratic version of Stephen Miller

One aspect people aren't focusing on is the work and travel J-visa. So many tourism-focused businesses rely on these for seasonal labor. Real leopard eating face moment for Trump's bread and butter demographic of small business owner exploiting foreign laborers

Taking off my wedding ring as I enter the buffet

If you need me, I'll be practicing slash and burn agriculture at my community garden plot

If only someone could've seen this coming from the moment it was bought by a private equity firm

Huge Imperial Life in the Emerald City vibes of morons running bureaucracies they can't control

Currently sneaking food into the movie theater by coiling an incredibly long noodle around my body that protrudes slightly from my cuff

When you're a small account, posting into the void at no one is the equivalent of throwing a bit of change into the empty guitar case before busking.

Dem politicians view these positions as essentially Make a Wish for people in their 70s. If they don't do this, he'll die without ever being ranking member of House Oversight

Thinking Josh Shapiro actually took his nose in their debate

Had a realization in the kitchen goods store that so many women are going to get their significant other a cocktail shaker this holiday season and proceed to be served the worst cocktail they have ever had in their lives.

This song was directly responsible for teaching thousands of insufferable teenagers, myself among them at the time, what microfiche was.

The Civil War ruled because it was a period of time where tens of thousands of the best-named men in the country were gathered in one places before dying or scattering back across the country. We'll never achieve this level of weirdly named dude density again

A bit disappointed he doesn't attempt to fight the nazis in the marketplace of ideas

Me seeing The Mask at the gym: Is that guy the Mask?
The Mask at the gym: SOMEBODY SPOT ME

Man's out here looking like a Metal Gear Character