When Crying It In backfires spectacularly

Footballer player Cole Palmer with a monk style haircut

When you’ve got United in the 21st century at 8pm and vigils in the 14th century at 5am

Same film, Jump Into The Fire by Harry Nilsson

Troubling in the extreme for all sorts of reasons.

Billy Casper (Dai Bradley) is actually on the pitch at Oakwell! On a separate note, this is my opinion of the game so far:

Remembering that dim bulb who said it was great to have someone who could keep on top of a brief, chair a meeting and take a minute....

The meat won't be the only thing that's going

Must be spring, I've just spent 10 minutes of my time negotiating with a stupid wasp that can't decide between 'flying out of an open window' and 'getting squashed'.

"You can't hear an image"

The image

My mum has fibromyalgia and COPD but I'm calling her up to tell her she *needs* to be unable to afford to heat the house; meanwhile I'm shielded from such privations by virtue of not being skint.

Buying and using a four bar electric fire to celebrate prices not going up.

Was hoping to get over for the match today but being dim I thought it was tomorrow....have to say that having watched it on Sky I'm rather glad I didn't sacrifice a bank holiday for such a low quality affair.

Equally, ONWARDS AND UPWARDS WITH THE GRINDING IT OUT BANTAMS!

Pretty sure we don't need to learn any more tbh

I'm assuming his wife has to pay to work in the city...

Strong arguments in favour of any that resulted in Americans getting mad at you but I'd have to plump for bottle blogger getting mad at you.

Apologies to my neighbours who just heard me shout "you fucking stupid cunts" for a good few minutes.

NatWest Bereavement Service expects the bereaved to communicate with them via a chatbot. The chatbot ignores repeated reminders that it is not possible to log in to the account what with the whole "account holder being dead" aspect of the situation.

That time of year when personal finance people wang on about tax wrappers as if everyone has £1500 per month spare cash lying about.

In my head I heard all of those in the voice of Darren Fletcher.

Unless one of you becomes a famous comedian/TV presenter then it's publishing deal ahoy!

Rid not risk obvs

There can only be one winner. This article still speaks to me 25 years on

theonion.com/im-like-a-ch...

Those who live in the liminal zone between Leeds and Manchester must have somewhere to risk themselves of last year's airfryer and they simply can't wait.

Biscoff propaganda

We all knew the Guardian readers were COWARDS

If it's not an urgent call he can do one.

My friend saw it last night and thought it was brilliant despite (his words) not being a not that type of thing type person

Standards really slipping at the Telegraph. Really basic typo in a column headline today.

When Hugo (of course there's a Hugo) said he shows love in many other ways I hoped for a more interesting direction.

"For instance, I often ruffle her hair while she's paying for the shopping, lick her face as we get on the bus and surprise her with a goosing while she is talking to her boss."