I had all this shit on my bingo card I dunno what’s wrong with y’all’s cards

But they were all of them deceived, for another Non Blonde was made.

MrBeast competition to see who can make it through the Strait of Hormuz

My bad

As you can see from my clunky, unattractive ring, I graduated from high school.

One of the more fun ironies in revisiting The Road Not Taken ages and ages after first reading it is that I am far more aware today of how unexceptional and banal my choices and abilities are than I was when I was, say, 22.

Over on threads someone just use ai;dr and we all need to adopt that right quick

i can’t stop laughing

daendeleon 2d @ Threads Greg Bovino was asked how he felt about his demotion today. "Well, obviously, I'm not happy", he replied. Someone in the crowd shouted back, "So which one are you?"

just choked on my beverage

Now I want to know which CNN reporter or producer doesn't know the word "sycophant."

The “shall not be infringed” crowd has been waiting over 200 years for a real-world opportunity to stand on principle and defend their fellow citizens against authoritarian governmental overreach. And when the stormtroopers actually showed up on their neighbors’ streets? Crickets.

Fondly recalling my Autumn of Mid

i know we're all busy but i just overheard a plumber say "parlez-vous français ? non ? you motherfuckers don't even speak french, do you" to a pair of french bulldogs

yesterday i was blessed to see something wonderful: a teenage boy, 16 at most, had his fake ID rejected right in front of me. then, just when i thought it couldn’t get any better, a SECOND teenage boy came in, obviously with the first but thinking no one could tell, to have HIS fake ID rejected

this image is maybe the single greatest joke in TRADING PLACES. and also a pretty apt description of the trump/vance/national conservative vision of america

Do other countries have this weird notion that you’re not a “real” representative of the nation if you live in an urban center? Like do the French say Parisians aren’t really French? Are you considered not a real German if you live in Berlin? Or is this mainly a weird American thing?

painting on canvas of a bald man in a yellow shirt throwing a pinecone at ET's head. a group of people also wielding pinecones are gathered behind him, becoming more shadowy and inhuman the further back they are. the sky is a sickly yellow colour, taking place at an unclear time of day

painting of ET getting pelted with pinecones i did a few years ago

And Tiny Tim, who did NOT die, was present at the end of the universe, having witnessed every black hole evaporate and every proton decay. Even so, Death would not come.

I won

If you’ve left your shopping until now, and you are in the market for men’s size small, let me assure you you’re good.

Prof dishing out the nota benes all devil may care and so forth

this is not behavior becoming of a FIFA Peace Prize recipient.

All the fellas down at the swimmin' hole would suck in their guts when ole frog-chuckin' Ameline sauntered into the shallows, skin all aglow. "Ooh, there she goes," they would whisper amongst themselves. "There goes ole frog-chuckin' Ameline with her skin all aglow."

Give your little kid a thrill. Show him the secret robot sleeping in your basement. Then make him a schedule and have him change its air filter every three months.

stop being horny for the grinch he's a nasty wasty skunk

Can we bring Mo? Rocco?

col mustard, in the observatory, with kindness