One heads up message for around here, i might end up streaming a hell of a lot more than i probably should because this hyperfixation on Monster Hunter aswell as Warframe is just getting worse XD (maybe tonight warframe just to test how the stream framerate will be)
So extremely random thing but how would you all feel if i randomly stream the suffering of finishing Ridge Racer 2 MAX Tour? kinda completed the whole game besides those last few Tours which supposedly give 0 rewards but are "the most difficult Tours on PSP"
Back to Frontier doing some more Material grinding (maybe swapping to other MH Games aswell) definetly expect a long stream :D
www.twitch.tv/lenairhead
is that i might go offline for quite a while and not just deal with irl things but try to "find myself" again without continuing to selfdestruct on every reminder how much of a fuck up i am
maybe ill post here and there still but all together ill be quieting down for good.
honestly its probably not good to keep venting on the main account but to be fair, i probably havent been able to be myself in almost a year now
majority of me feels like an empty husk while the other holds onto emotions that still "exist" but are drowned under
only thing i could mention-
sometimes i question why the silence can be so incredibly loud only to remind myself how it became so loud
hoi hope everyones doing well
guess what it doesnt work because theres not enough disk space >:D
Just to kinda post this a bit late but uhh... there wasnt important topics talked today on stream and just playing sooo yeah
maybe ill try some other stuff next stream :P
oof sounds about right :p
i mean VR Emulation cant do everything can it? considering the songs were made purely for the machine 🤔
you know reading that reminds me of : "Words can cut like anything else can, but itll hurt more than anything else"
Ok i goofed up but not EST but its CET
im too tired for my brain to function today
So ive kinda decided now, in roughly lets say... 2ish hours ill stream (its gonna be 2PM my time sooo... 2PM EST)
I'll be continuing Freedom 1 (after i wrecked my save so im slightly reset on a bit of progress) and talk about the general future
the VOD will be on Youtube afterwards
see you there
So ive kinda decided now, in roughly lets say... 2ish hours ill stream (its gonna be 2PM my time sooo... 2PM EST)
I'll be continuing Freedom 1 (after i wrecked my save so im slightly reset on a bit of progress) and talk about the general future
the VOD will be on Youtube afterwards
see you there
not only allows you to support one another but isnt unfair towards their streamers?
we have lost old twitch features that were useful, we have lost a place to create content without being judged over the smallest things and yet bigger creators get away with some horrible things
Also has there ever been another place that actually let you stream games and dont have you get banned within minutes because the game itself isnt NSFW yet gets flagged as such? or maybe someones vtuber model seems "too lewd" so your entire channel takes a hit? maybe also a stream platform that-
Youtube also has been in not just hotwater but literal magma from AI "moderation" of videos to having an algorythm that doesnt make sense even when trying to understand it (look at difference between YT Shorts and YT Videos themself, Shorts get pushed out MORE than videos themself)
btw something id like to rant about
streaming and video platforms arent what they used to be anymore
Twitch has been having so many different problems its at this point a pinwall of continued additional problems from bans that dont make sense to just general "what the hell is wrong with yall"
So depending how busy i might end up getting ill do a little stream playin MH Freedom 1 and chitchat a bit about the general future with this, my lewd alt and overall myself
it could very well be tomorrow but its undecided yet
Actually i can leave for tonight with this one message
Sometimes others want to bury away their own pain behind closed doors, and thats totally fine but sometimes its good to check up on that person, even with just a small message to know that they exist and have a person around them.
genuinely i didnt expect you to chime in remedy
in the end of things i just have to think things thru and probably keep going in the future but as of currently im likely just staying locked away, be busy and focus on myself until i can do more but, also thanks for what you wrote
honestly breaking would be the worst at this point because i really dont know what i might end up doing
at least its all mostly spontanious thinking of just weeks and weeks of reflecting thats now actually wearing me down (instead of tired tonight im still awake at 2:16am :/ )
but-
Especially after like from days of silence to weeks over to months of silence and shutting myself in that even my one relationship i have feels absolutely pointless with me being a horrible partner (at least being unable to be helpful :p)
at least ive been trying to work on my mental stability
remedy you arent just a rando trust me ^^
but honestly my being lewd online was comfortable but ive also just had somehow a tendency that my head shutoff and made big mistakes that well... resulted in other problems even when always admitting my mistakes 😅
its just that ive hit my breaking point
