wtf is a FIFA peace prize? that's like being an NFL laureate in physics

excited to see my post about snow tires is gaining traction . folks,,

Damnit, Love, why you gotta be obvious in the silence?

“ if I had the hair to do it, I’d still be rocking a mushroom haircut.”

“That’s your biggest secret?”

“…yes?”

RFK, Jr. cancelling oxygen

Is this chief also willing to go on the record and call the sky blue?

Don’t answer unknown numbers, Charlie Brown.

Do you even give up on the daily, bro?

World War Z is my favorite movie about the spread of fascist lunacy.

I said he'll flip you. Flip ya for real,Charlie Brown

RFK, Jr. cancelling oxygen

Do you even give up on the daily, bro?

Don’t answer unknown numbers, Charlie Brown.

Never get involved in a land war in Asia, Charlie Brown.

The urge to spam your group chat >>>

officer i only missed that stop sign bc i was looking for the wizard emoji on my phone

still existing over here (without my consent)

me: i have to tell you something but keep it on the down low. you need deodorant. here. take this.

bff: ok. your secret™️ is safe with me. wait. what ??

[port of miami]
guy who works for TMZ: im here to catch a celebrity

check-in agent: sorry, sir. that ship has sailed

TMZ guy: no, i mean, like, Cruise

check-in agent: sir. you can’t just hop on a cruise

TMZ guy: what

check-in agent: what

narrator: what

I’m strongly opposed to a baby monitor. Like a baby can effectively observe and perform surveillance? That’s asking quite a bit from an infant.

I mean it.

I’m always here for you.

guy from Louisiana: hey. how y’all doing? how’s bayou ?

me: what

Not interesting to *you*, maybe.

Don’t tempt me.

Masked men jumped a San Bernardino family in unmarked cars, opened fire, and shattered their truck windows—all while the family was just coming home from work.

The feds later admitted it was CBP, but the family says the agents never showed warrants or IDs.