Just the dumbest people in the world

"Not to brag, but I'm pretty okay at a few things."

Don't don't don't let's start giving them ideas.

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

Pentagon details record $1.5 trillion budget request

“But how are we gonna pay for it?” should never be taken seriously ever again when we want to pay for universal healthcare or universal basic income or any governmental service that helps millions of people.

"If you look at a macro view, the economy is doing incredibly well, almost phenomenal, compared to when we traded shiny rocks for animal pelts and folk medicine."

"And compared to two years ago?"

"Oh, absolutely in the shitter. But can I offer you some pelts?"

Moi aussi!

It's sad that people are so moved by a man admitting he was wrong (which should be a normal, everyday thing) that they're willing to forget all the other evil shit he does and continues to do.

For instance, shitty jobs still have to pay you.

Yes, that has also been my experience looking for jobs.

Applying for jobs:

When you already have a job - 💃

When you desperately need a job - 😰

Science has yet to invent a drill powerful enough to make it through the 18 layers of rock, goo, and unidentified space herpes in Fetterstein's skull.

Sam Guthrie.

Like that famous Nike ad:

JUST HAVE IT

A tight 90 minutes of people successfully stealing a fortune without any friction or tension. A cozy heist movie.

"We should go back to when music was just music, like in the '60s!"

Friends? No. We kept it strictly professional.

The real treasure was the gold and jewels and precious art and $640 million in untraceable bearer bonds we stole along the way.

Say what you will about everything sucking; that's what this website is for.

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars.

We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director.

Please stand by for more.

I'll never forget when he made Zack Morris a cuckold. RIP to that legend.

parmagiorgio reggiarmani

a black and white photo of a vampire standing in a doorway ALT: a black and white photo of a vampire standing in a doorway

Live look at Stephen Miller entering the chat

Comic books always have an alternate universe where the Nazis won.

I never realized how many people read those same comics and thought, "Yeah, let's make this happen."

I hope Dr. Frank-n-furter is having a great birthday.

I hope, when all the people in the Trump administration are jailed or executed that Maria Bartiromo gets to report on them before it's her turn.

Why do they keep letting this dullard flop sweat on camera?

No offense meant to the folks at COOP Ale Works, but I was not prepared for how good that Coop 66 Lager is. Might be my new local lawnmower beer.

"C'mon, guys, don't be mean to us while we do fascism! Especially don't talk about how we have weird hair and we'd still be virgins if we weren't immorally wealthy."