The nice the about the guitar is that whatever song you can think of, there's already a video of a guy showing you how to play it (and eventually trying to get you to buy his full guitar course)

The Platform is the sort of movie where I want to know everything I can about the world, while also understanding that knowing a single thing more than the movie tells you would absolutely ruin it.

it takes a village to raise an asshole too

Coop from Interstellar piloting a spaceship and saying "This little maneuver is gonna cost us 51 years"

your grandparents voting for reagan

me: *quotes passages from poe’s the masque of the red death*
them: cool, did you write that?
me: yes

friend: what should we listen to, tennessee whisky?

me: i’d rather go blind

The jaw-hammering dude is called Clavicular? When Mandibular was right there?

This clavicular shit is just further proof that we shouldn’t give 20 year olds attention

Happy Mario Day (United States only)🍄

Daniel Craig in the movie Layer Cake

His name in this movie was Larry Cake

DID YOU KNOW?
If you could take out your brain and weigh it on a scale, it would be gross

In a fast German car
I'm amazed that I survived
A chicken saved my life

🎶CHICKENS, CHICKENS!
CHICKEN OF PUPPETS
I'M PULLING YOUR STRINGS!
CHICKEN YOUR MIND AND CHICKEN YOUR DREAMS!🎶

You know that means that not only is this post about me, but basically any song with a two-syllable word in it...

You really can replace just about any 2-syllable word in just about any song with "chicken"

i am so sick of the dumbest people alive being in charge of everything and the second dumbest people alive writing opinion columns about how it's good

Tupperware is great for when you want to throw your food out on a different day . . .

forgetting the word Domesticated and telling people at this party raccoons have gotten "more coachable." at some point i start adding "over the offseason" which i don't think raccoons even have yet

The hospital is spicy today already and no amount of coffee can save me now

The Wagotabi leaderboard for the Saeki's Kanji minigame. Spike is ranged 524th.

So Wagotabi, a language learning game I gave myself for Christmas, has fully cracked to code on me the same way DuoLingo did: by making this shit competitive.

My favorite minigame is "Saeki's Kanji," where you match kanji/hiragana/images/definitions.

Determined to get in the top 500 globally.

You don't owe anyone online anything. Except me. You owe me $20.

My parents are divorced so we have two January 6ths

good morning only to people who have received a consequence at some point and understand the concept of it

good morning to everyone out there except people who are speedrunning the downfall of society

I'll never forgive crypto bros for making con artistry so boring

Am I fun at parties? If you're interested in the latest suicide stats or facts, or mayhaps a spirited conversation about how Jesus was the first documented case of schizophrenia, then yes, super fun at parties

hey i noticed you don't matter, i also don't matter. would you like to start an inscrutable public beef?

omg everything is so awful go get a library card and kiss a dog

Tired I am so tired of waiting, Aren't you, For the world to become good And beautiful and kind? Let us take a knife And cut the world in two - And see what worms are eating At the rind. Langston Hughes