Depluralise a movie

Jumanjo

Kerrice Brooks as a Starfleet cadet, with space buns and a can do attitude

Courtney Bowman as a tiny cooking human, with space buns and a can do attitude

I can finally watch Star Trek: Starfleet Academy in peace

I’ve worked out that who Sam reminds me of is Little Cook from the 2022 version of Big Cook Little Cook

GWARSH

#DisneyMetal

I'm still sufficiently Baseball-brained that I did look at this and try to work out what the pun would be for this match-up

A poster in the style of a sports match advertising the Gundabad Wargs vs the Rhosgobel Rabbits

There's a scene in the first Hobbit film which goes

Sylvester McCoy as Radagast: I'll draw them off
Gandalf: These are Gundaberg wargs, they'll out run you
Radagast: These are Rhosgobel rabbits, *extremely intensely* I'D LIKE TO SEE THEM TRY

I wish I'd been at that match

The greatest gift that loving the Railway Children as a kid has given me is seeing two characters have the most minor interaction and saying “they’ll have to marry now”

Poster that says right hand clubs (red)

You’re one microscopic club in his catastrophic plan

A poster for a blaseball game between the Charleston Shoe Thieves and the San Francisco Lovers. The tag line is Rogue / Like

My ongoing Blaseball curse is that I will keep having ideas for matchup posters, possibly forever

Why doesn’t Daredevil just talk to the Hand?

A painting of a family of Mechanised Organisms Designed Only for Christmas analysing how fast you can run

The film emotionally pivots on a portrait of Mark’s family that Anna paints. She gifts it to him at the end and his family are like “you should add yourself to this, we love you”

And the painting is this dead-eyed uncanny valley monstrosity that they all have to stare tearily at

A mediocre pairing of a landscape

A mediocre painting of Santa checking his list

But the plot is actually irrelevant. The thing that drove me to hunt this film down again is Anna’s painting. You get to see some of her work earlier in the film and it’s… fine.

But they’re decoy mediocre trap paintings

The plot: Anna, a struggling painter, sets up a side hustle as a personal shopper. She gets hired by Mark, a Mechanised Organism Designed Only for Capitalism, to buy his Christmas presents so he doesn’t have to empathise

I have a white whale. An albatross.

Seven years ago I watched a Christmas film called the 12 Gifts of Christmas that I’ve been trying, and failing, to find again. It’s never been anywhere. But I’ve just found that it’s GONE UP ON PRIME

Is it a good film?

Absolutely not, no

A clay kit to make a unicorn called Sparky Glanz

Sounds painful

T-shirt design of a turtle with a sweet stuck on its back, with the words "we're here to burgle your turts"

I'm designing @alkennedy.bsky.social t-shirts for Christmas. Here's an Over the Garden Wall design I didn't end up going with

I’ve ended up on ice hockey tiktok and discovered there’s a player called Jack Hughes

I hope he has fans and I hope they all dress like Poirot

Dragons, I’m asking for several million pounds for my golden idea: the Aardvent Calendar

An advent calendar full of Aardman Animation Christmas tree decorations. Feathers McGraw in a Santa hat. That rat from Flushed Away hilariously tangled up in red ribbon. The Pirates! In An Adventure With Holly

Thinking about how The Railway Children begins “They were not Railway Children, to begin with”, and how that could be an all-purpose first line.

“He was not the Great Gatsby, to begin with.”

“They were neither the Master nor Margarita, to begin with.”

“We were not the Watchmen, to begin with.”

Audio books are amazing

I had an audio book version of the Magician’s Nephew as a kid and I still quote the incredibly scenery-chewing way she has Jadis say “SUCH WAS CHARN”, like its the official, agreed reading

I mean, look at this

I’ve just realised my issue with men’s gymnastics

Their leggings have socks built in and it makes them look like smurfs

Yes, totally agree!

Chariots of Fira

Taking into account population (in favour of smaller countries) the countries with the most medals in Tokyo were
1 San Marino (by a LOT)
2 Bermuda
3 Granada
4 Bahamas
5 New Zealand
6 Jamaica
7 Slovenia
8 Fiji
9 Georgia
10 Netherlands

I always think Olympic medal tables should account - at the very least - for population size. If you have loads of people in your country, it’s way easier to find people who are good at specific sports

My expensive perfume and candle making vision? I’m glad you asked:
1. hire Macaulay Culkin
2. get him to slap on some Cypress & Grapevine Cologne Intense and then scream
3. fade in logo JO 🏠 MALONE
4. profit

Millie knocked it out of the park

A black and white photo of a Mod on a moped that has a terrifying amount of lights on the front and mirrors sprouting out of either side

Biblically accurate Mod

It would be cool to have extra toes because then you could decide the outcomes for a load of non-canon little piggies