By the transitive property, Vladimir Putin IS Tim from the Office

Jude Law IS Vlad Putin

Went to see The Wizard of the Kremlin. It was perfectly fine, but most notable for Jude Law’s incredible simultaneous impression of both Vladimir Putin and Martin Freeman

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars.

We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director.

Please stand by for more.

Dream I have moved into a historical building and am obliged to show visiting strangers around my home. “Come in, I’ll give you the tour,” I say to a small group of lookie-lous. I bring them to a door in a weird small alcove and on opening it, am shocked to see the spectral figure of a woman in a black hooded cloak moving away from us. “Nooo, nooooo,” it moans until it vanishes through the far wall. We then look to the other side of the room to observe a small girl standing on a dining table. She wears what looks like a wedding dress, the veil partly obscuring a face with a deathly pallor and black eyes. I turn to the visitors and say, “So this is the ghost room, we don’t come in here much.” A combination of the genuine terror from the ghosts and the self-satisfaction at the comic timing of the line delivery woke me up at 5am and I could not get back to sleep

Entry for the dream log

For sale: baby shoes, never worn. Baby born with wheels

Just noticed I said “sandwich” instead of “sand sculpture”, which goes well thematically with the loaf of bread, but a sandwich sculpture is too ludicrous a notion to appear on The Angelus

Neanderthal Songs YouTube video by willonzo

Was inspired by @threedomusa.bsky.social to make this and spent way too much time on it. I think the Britney one is my favourite

youtu.be/GP4gp1wCU_k

Met my wife around the time of the dating app explosion, but just before I did, I had a date with a girl I met online who turned out to be the spitting image of my great uncle John. Thank fuck my wife turned up when she did

I love how Bobby D is the world’s best and most famous New Yorker and Trump can’t stand that

Shut up Donny, you’re out of your element

They should have one of these to check if yer granda was really in the GPO

Clavicular is a 20 year old child and famous for no good reason, not due to any particular celebration-worthy talent. He is a victim of a form of mental illness that is exacerbated by attention. However, if I come up with a good joke about him, I will post it.

Woman in a “Doordash Grandma” t-shirt standing next to Trump at the Oval Office door. Both of them look uncomfortable, but granny has serious regrets

I bet Doordash granny wishes she’d just rung the bell and left the double Big Macs on the doorstep

1 * Bitten = 2 * Shy
=>
2 * Bitten = 4 * Shy

This is my way of saying I have now got mild food poisoning from the same restaurant on both visits

To clarify, this is satire. Please do not vote for either side in this conflict

Weak on crime. Keen on Jesus.
Vote Pope

lol, just heard a Trump Doonbeg ad at the start of the #OhGodWhatNow podcast, think they misjudged the audience on that one

This is the kind of protest I can get behind

www.rte.ie/news/munster...

Can an AI legally adopt a child? The Dalai Lama weighs in…

A fake image of Artemis II astronauts in a small front porch raft waving to the camera outside the capsule with a Navy recovery boat in the background and orange buoyancy balloons in the water.

This image circulating is fake. The front porch was much larger than that and held several Navy recovery personnel as well. Real images can be found here: www.flickr.com/photos/nasah...

A perfect result in Sam’s Clues

Trump still not dead, but got another perfect result so things are going better than expected

I don’t care for it. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER

To be clear, the Jaffa cake was upside down, I was normally oriented

We truly live in an age of innovation

Just ate a Jaffa cake upside down for the first time, so don’t try to tell me I’m wasting my life

I have decided not to join the fuel protests this weekend as I do not own a truck/tractor or a tricolour

This is so well done. 👌

you approach the altar. the priest holds the eucharist out to you with both hands. as you take it he whispers "start with 1/4 of it. if you dont feel the body of christ within 2 hours eat the rest"