Dog sticks.

Go to the #DarkSideOfSesameStreet if you enjoy being felt.

a snail is crawling on a rock with a blurry background ALT: a snail is crawling on a rock with a blurry background

The #UrgeToLeaveHome is lost on a snail.

😁

Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Bark

Thanks 😄😄😄

#WhenMyBroomIsInTheShop I can’t handle it.

It's a plaque widow spider

I’ve reached an age where I thought I’d experienced everything there was to experience, then today I was sucking on an ice cube from my gin and tonic and the ice cube shattered cutting the inside of my cheek.

😂😂😁

Share some of the best eyes in movies 👀🎬

🤣🤣🤣

#DontHangOutYourDirtyLinenWhen you’ve nothing else to wear.

#DontHangOutYourDirtyLinenWhen there’s a knicker nicker nicking knickers.

Mouse flavoured suckers fail to impress.

a little girl is laying on her stomach on a rug ALT: a little girl is laying on her stomach on a rug

Average cost of carpet $10 sq ft.
Approximate size of Vatican City 4.7 million sq ft.
So you could carpet the entire country for $47m

Its nearly 7.30pm and I can't wait to go to bed.

First time buying a Temu condom 😕

a field of grass with trees in the background and a lot of mosquitoes flying around ALT: a field of grass with trees in the background and a lot of mosquitoes flying around

While out riding today I rode through a cloud of midges.
I just looked it up, midges have existed for at least 100 million years.
It doesn't seem right to survive all that time only to die after getting inhaled by some sweaty old guy on a bike.

Looks weird on its own.

a young boy is making a funny face with his mouth open . ALT: a young boy is making a funny face with his mouth open .

Toothless in Seattle

#IWasNotSurprisedThisWeekWhen I had to apply for a mortgage to fill my car up.

I #WillNotStop drinking brake fluid.

1/ Dye cocaine yellow
2/ Train smuggler bees.

The fight the world never got to see.

A curious fellow called Moe
said #TheOnlyPoetryIKnow
Is composed of five lines
And contains lots of rhymes
And is read with a rhythm and flow

What’s your favorite Bible verse? (Wrong answers only)

And it will come to pass that only those with a Jesus fish on their car shall enter through the gates of heaven.

I have been given a $100 Amazon gift card.
What should I buy?

Yes but that's what Depends are for.

When he said lets get stoned..