Touch the grass, Schumer
Open a window, deep breath
Defenestration

Bovino at the Barber

High and tight again?
Make it look like a Merkin
Excellent choice, sir

Get a grip Princess
And be sure to use the Force
Hold my light saber

Try to imagine
Some kinky caterpillars
Could be fun to watch

#haikufeels

I could use some sleep
But first a hot steaming whizz
On things I shouldn't

One hundred dollars
Sealed up in a junk food bag
And leave the Cheetos

Those eyes have seen shit
He had me at the bent ear
Retired warrior

It's twelve inches long
With a wide vibrating head
Test before purchase?

She whips out her puns
Never underestimate
Big dork energy

#haikufeels

It was all so cool
Until he popped that wheelie
I wet my khakis

Open those windows
Let all the sunshine inside
Defenestration

#haikufeels

She took off her clothes
Temperatures were rising
The water was cold

#haiku

It's 4th of July
The fireworks are in my pants
As I dust the crops

Break out the long straws
There are milkshakes to be drunk
Yes... There Will Be Blood

#haikufeels

Pity the gators
A virtual smorgasbord
Of total assholes

#haikufeels

big dick energy
oops, poked himself in the eye
that might be too much
#haiku

This won't hurt at all
You'll just feel a little prick
Stiff competition

#haikufeels
#haiku
#micropoetry

Fuck this and fuck that
Fuck you and fuck that red hat
Fuck your gold phone too

Thank you very much
For attending my package
Deez nuts are happy

#haikufeels

Celestial sphere
Exposing everything
I love her dark side

#haikufeels
#haiku

No cough can conceal
My ass music greatest hits
Captive audience

#haikufeels

The usual thing
Conversation with my cat
The snuggle is real

#haiku

Banger

Ray of light shines through
A camel toe is sighted
God! check out dat gap

Life gives you lemons
Just squeeze those motherfuckers
And have a party

#Haikufeels

Notoriety
May only last a minute
Premature renown

#Haikufeels

Ere the sun explodes
Ride the dick rocket to Mars
Drop me a postcard

#Haikufeels

Jets of cold water
Cause the sphincter to recoil
I love my bidet

Time to get fitted
This won't make your ass look fat
It ties in the back

Headlines for When Trump Dies:
- Art of the Dead
- TACO-BELL (Trump Always Chickens Out-Beyond Even Living Life)
- Trump executed, replaced by a robot clown
- White House physician deems Trump in excellent cognitive and physical health for a dead man