February used to have 30 days, but landlords lobbied to have two of the days removed so they could receive more rent in less time.

Criminals, the whole lot of them.

Nature is crazy.

Yes, but the L on Luigi's hat stands for Lesbians.

"I have a theory that I'm Banksy. When remember - do a little art and then erase my memory Men in Black style." -Nicolas Cage

Now it's all starting to make sense.

Brown rice is just white rice that has been mixed with a little bit of chocolate.

Wow, I somehow never knew this.

George Washington originally wanted the Washington Monument to be built from the bones of dead British soldiers.

Please stay calm and drink your coffee while the ruling class explains why your mug literally being on fire is actually a good thing.

A pin of a black mug that is on fire. It says "EVERYTHING IS FINE"

I am sick of people acting like things are awful just because the president is deranged and we're starting unnecessary wars and housing is unaffordable and healthcare is an absolute mess and the planet is dying, so today's Low Quality Ad is for this Everything is Fine Pin.
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Cat Dog almost never aired on Nickelodeon because executives worried that children would ask too many questions about the titular creature's genitalia and method of going to the bathroom.

I definitely had questions.

I'm surprised that so many people don't know this.

That blows my mind.

Scientists have determined that if limes ever go extinct the human race would be annihilated by Scurvy in a matter of weeks.

That's crazy.

Obviously I will reinstate the draft, sending soldiers as young as 4 years old overseas to invade countries and seize the raw materials needed to manufacture more glowing cubes. Vote for me.

Four glowing, cube-shaped lanterns in blue, green, orange, and purple float on the surface of a dark swimming pool at night, casting colorful reflections on the water.

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for the PackLite Nova Solar Lantern. If I was president, I would place 10,000 glowing cubes in every square mile of this country. It would be magnificent. I would raise taxes exorbitantly to do this. I would not be a good leader.
collabs.shop/ax8qxg

Coachella plans to phase out concerts by 2040, and will instead focus completely on selling overpriced food and alcohol

It's already halfway there.

Dilbert holds the Guinness World Record for most hate crimes committed by a fictional character.

1 Person with little girl rings bell: Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings. 2 Angel in heaven: My wings! This is the best day ever! 3 Girl takes bell and furiously rings it: I love you angel! 4 Angel, with dozens of wings protruding out of his body: The pain!

We made a comic about an angel.

Your sense of taste is strongly linked to memory, which is why licking random objects can trigger long-forgotten memories.

That makes sense.

Release the shower cut you cowards.

And sometimes, you will get bit even if you did not talk shit. Cats are wildly unpredictable. They are so good.

A white t-shirt featuring a black linocut-style graphic of a hissing cat's head in the center. The bold, arched text surrounding the cat reads "TALK SHIT" on top and "GET BIT" on the bottom.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Talk Shit Get Bit T-shirt. This is the only rule cats live by. Nothing else is sacred to them. They are godless creatures. I love them so much.
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NASA has discovered that Martians exist, and they have sent fire armed rovers to Mars to exterminate the alien race.

Wait, that's what the rovers are doing there?

I love squirrels.

I know I did.

Jackson Pollock came up with his unique style of pointing after he drank too much paint one day and accidentally vomited onto a blank canvas.

Incredible.

A thick stack of prop one-hundred-dollar bills bundled with a yellow and white paper band labeled "$10,000," resting on a light wood surface. The top bill features a portrait of Benjamin Franklin, but includes the disclaimer "For Motion Picture Purposes."

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for $10,000 in prop money. It looks extremely realistic. Please don't use it to commit crimes. 99.9% of people will believe it is real money. Please promise me you won't use it for crime.
collabs.shop/mhd7ue

Although they come in hundreds of different colors and names, all Yankee Candles are scented with vanilla.

I'm surprised that so many people don't know this.

A close-up of a black and white tuxedo cat looking upward with a wide-eyed expression and its pink tongue sticking out in a "blep." The cat is resting on a person’s shoulder, showcasing its long white whiskers and white chest fur.

Please give me a dollar a month on Patreon so I can buy this big lovable goofball more treats.
www.patreon.com/lowqualityfa...

He proved them wrong.

In Sweden, parents are entitled to 18 years of paid parental leave after their child is born.

I would never stop having children.