I interviewed for a job at Starbucks. They asked me to write “Stefanie” on a cup with PH. So I wrote “Phefanie” and they made me a regional manager. ⭐️💲☕️

Make sure someone in the relationship has good credit. That’s why it’s called “significant other”!
SIGN-IF-I-CANT. 😘♥️💸

Why do shops put stickers on non-stick frying pans? 🍳🥘

My card just got declined at McDonald’s trying to buy a homeless guy a McChicken. He laughed at me and said come hang outside with me, someone will come through
for us! 🍔🏕️💸

Everything is Iran this and Israel that.

All I know is Iran 5 miles and the pain Israel.🏃😩💊

Why did Captain Jean Luc Picard take Will River to the bathroom? He needed to take number 1. 🚀🪐💩

Bluesky has been having some problems today.

If Russia attacks Turkey from the rear. Do you think Greece will help? 🇷🇺🦃🍑🇬🇷

Sad to hear that The Who's old tour bus has finally broken down for good. It won't get fueled again. 🎶🚌⛽️

If a person who uses sign language to speak, is missing a finger.
Is that an accent or a speech impediment? 🤌👍👌

Wife wanted me to put magic back into our relationship. But I don’t think sawing her in half is what she was thinking? 🪄🪚💔

Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?
Fo' Drizzle, or maybe incase of a Lil Wayne.🎤🎶☔️

Did you hear about the guy who collapsed while climbing a mountain in Nepal ?
Authorities just found Himalayan there. 🏔️🇳🇵🚑

2 potatoes standing in the corner. How do you know which one is a prostitute?
The one with the tag that says “IDAHO” 🥔🍠💲

There’s a potato chip truck blocking the highway.
Expect de’Lays. ⚠️🚛🥠

What is the difference between a golf ball and a Range Rover?
Tiger woods can drive a ball 300 yards without hitting a tree.🚙 🏌️‍♂️🍸

How did the tooth fairy get to the North Pole?
On the molar express! 🧚‍♀️🦷🛳️

The Chinese man who invented the camera lens just passed away.
Rest in peace Zew Min.📸🇨🇳

Why was the Easter Bunny wearing a hat?
Because he was having a bad hare day!🐇🎩

The bartender broke up with her boyfriend.
But, he kept asking her, for another shot!🍷💔🍺

Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand?
Because a tooth brush is more effective! 🪥🦷

I once dated a girl who had a parrot. The damn thing never shut up! The Parrot was cool though!🦜🗣️💔

My buddy fell in love with a midget. He says he is nuts
over her!🍒🍆

What did the Dean of Med. School say to the student who just got accepted into urology school?

Urine!! 🍆🍋👨‍⚕️

What do you call a pig with 3 eyes? Piiig.🐖👀🐷

What pronouns do Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups identify as? Her/She’s. 🥜🧈🍫

When life gives you melons.
You are dyslexic. 🍉🍋😵‍💫

A lion should never drive under the influence.

But, a Tiger Wood 🦁🐅🏌️‍♂️

What is it called when a banana eats another banana?
Cannibananabalism. 🍌🫦🍌