I can trace probably over half the positive developments in my life to the fact that I am an absolute champion at jerking off

Ugh pink friday really is the album

I don’t notice them much but I actually have really cute ears

Strong af, good balance, huge tits. I was born to be an Oktoberfest waitress

I don’t want to be in a relationship but I do want someone to call me every day and say “you’re so smart you’re so beautiful you give amazing head and I think I’m in love with you”

Slavic languages popped off with common first names for men. Always sound so damn cool. Like your name is Pavel? Andrei? Dmitri? Stanislav?! Casimir!!! Absolutely Awesome

What business did the Jetsons have naming that boy Elroy in the year 2062

Bugs Bunny gay icon? I say yes

I actually find the classic Pauly Shore way of talking very comforting

Tell your boyfriend if he says he’s got beef that I’m a vegetarian and I ain’t fuckin scared of him

Omg what a track

Turns out blistering peppers is really easy???

I’m sorry but Ace Ventura dresses like a gay woman. Almost every time I dress on the masc side to go out I look in the mirror and immediately I’m like “I look like Ace Ventura”

Once again several years behind the culture and admitting now that I think kombucha is good actually and I wish it was cheaper so I could buy it routinely

🥹🥹🥹

Damnnnnnn

Garment district fits nominated by @wink182.bsky.social: two of my faves but half my clothes are from there

Got in an Uber and the driver immediately switched the song to padam padam. I Was Clocked

Charlie McAvoy getting married at the Boston Public Library 🥹 make this man captain already

Since I cancelled Netflix I keep getting “pls come back” emails. I assume this is the same ego rush people get when an ex texts them

Ngl I kinda miss doing theater now and then

I’m watching my way through sex and the city for the first time and the show is pretty iconic but every time mr big is onscreen I start hearing screams and seeing bright red and next thing I know my mouth involuntarily drops open and I’m saying breakupbreakupbreakupbreakupbreakupbreakupbreakupbreaku

Ladies at the club love me because I dress like a renaissance journeyman

Why am I reading about the pros and cons of induction cooktops. I live in a shitty apartment I’m not allowed to modify and will be for the next several years

I wouldn’t make a good waitress because every time someone came in with a baby I would 100 percent put the check down in front of the baby

Cardinal commandment is thou shalt not be mad online. Pls stop breaking this cardinal commandment

Need an HR professional to do a youtube video reacting to Bones. These people be doing anything at work

I firmly believe that if my mom met Sofía Vergara they would be best friends

My genuine enjoyment of Macklemore is already well documented however

I think the imperial system is better than the metric system