I fucking love kids.

I'm very good with kids.

Because I get to return them.

part of why i don't have kids is if you work with kids a lot you understand what it takes to be a good parent in capitslistic america.

I don't have that energy.

First date where we sword fight on a bridge over a waterfall

I like when an actor who usually plays Weird Little Freaks gets to play a *different* kind of Weird Little Freak than the type of Weird Little Freak they usually play

I put the fun in defunct

There was a goose on the field at Wrigley, they played on

don’t invite me to your party unless you have a mystery for me to solve

One from tonight! The lupine bloom is off the hook! Humboldt County, California. #photography #landscapephotography #redwoodnationalpark

contrary to popular belief I will someday read every book on my bookshelf

America has been called “the Great Experiment.” As an American, I gotta ask if it's possible to switch to the control group.

Hi Kara! Always nice to get a wink and a hello from Supergirl. You and your cousin had a big day yesterday. Why don't you take the day off? Go do something super!

❤️💛🩵 Have a super day! 🩵💛❤️

I hope my new therapist thinks I'm funny, which is the most important thing in therapy

I think I’ve experienced enough lifetime trauma to justify becoming a serial killer and I’m honestly a little annoyed I turned out to be a people pleaser instead.

💜💜💜

there should be a “student driver” bumper sticker except it warns everyone about the other parts of your life

my fellow girlies, a moment of your time: it appears the drop waist is unfortunately attempting to come back in fashion. remember that it is our sacred charge to hold the line

Polar, the Great Pyrenees, posing in a hug with my smiling mom

This dog loves my mom so much

Cupid, a turquoise, gray, and yellow Meyers parrot, sits on my mom’s knee

Big boy Polar, the Great Pyrenees dog my mom takes care of (and I wish she owned him)

Visiting mom means I get to see the pets 💕

It’s not the house I grew up in, but tonight I’m sleeping in my childhood bed using the bedspread my mom bought when I started kindergarten. Very nostalgic.

i wanna buy a really good hug i do not have a job but i can pay in blood or kohls cash

Our lady of perpetual goddamnit

have you tried compulsively biting the inside of your mouth about it

As a former hick, I want to comfort people by saying even the smallest rodeos keep an ambulance there preemptively .

Also, rodeo cowboys are some of the nicest, dumbest, horniest mfers I’ve ever met

the cure for male loneliness is, i am only half kidding, learning how to cook

I don’t know who needs to this but there’s nothing wrong with getting a little horny at the art museum

Cupid, a turquoise, gray, and yellow Meyers parrot, sits on my mom’s knee

Big boy Polar, the Great Pyrenees dog my mom takes care of (and I wish she owned him)

Visiting mom means I get to see the pets 💕

Polar, the Great Pyrenees, posing in a hug with my smiling mom

This dog loves my mom so much

You know who didn’t sign up for this? Bears.

screenshot of bluesky iPhone app Notifications page that says Forbidden with an exclamation point in a red circle

u are not the boss of me blue sky