this bastard just ate a big chunk out of my preferred translation of books 5 and 6 of Proust

Older man sitting in front of me at the cubs game has a Harry Potter tattoo on his neck

Trump on DoorDash grandma Sharon Simmons's delivery to the White House: "To be honest, it was a little tacky"

everything he says about the cruise sounds like a threat

sorry to break it to you but yes northernlion GFE is worth the price of markup

"One for The City, two for The Hive,
three for The Jelly that keeps us alive,
four for The Mayor, five for The Queen,
Six for The Hand that remains unseen,
Seven for The Cell, 8 for The Wall,
and nine for The Gate that guards us all."

-Bee Rhyme

Getting so high at the park I walk up to a big group of runners and ask to join their run, throw up hard 2 and a half minutes into their warm up trot around the block.

Felt like I was in Dr. Strangelove yesterday so I forgot to post this freaky ass Easter Bread Girl my 80 year old grandma made with her friend. There’s a whole dyed egg in her center

We need a president that misplaces his phone once a week because he got too high and he gets the secret service to tear apart the entire white house trying to find it

I feel like the other thing with “smart” technologies regarding this is that the consumer is left holding the bag at the end of the day. A lot of these products fix problems that never existed, so there doesn’t seem to be much of an incentive to fix the latency issues on someone’s smart toaster.

The convenience is always marginal compared to the privacy cons as well. Like, an app that turns on the lights in your living room is only saving you seconds every day. And in ten years when support for the app goes dark you’re back to turning the lights on the old fashioned way.

under trump 1 i came to appreciate why nixon made hunter thompson insane with rage. under trump 2 i'm coming to terms with what it must have been like when reagan was sundowning on tv

My weekly humiliation ritual

"the good news is that we have found a relatively cheap and easy way to prevent the cast from going through puberty. the bad news is that not everybody in this room is going to like it".

Paper Planes if M.I.A. was really into Frasier:
I fly like Frasier get high like Crane
If you catch me at Nervosa Cappuccinos in my name
If you call around here I’ll listen all day
Help you out have some sherry while you wait

the name’s Sandwiches, Sandwiches Galore [precision picklocks the safety pin holding your dress together; the Met Gala laughs] i guess it’s true what they say: Über eats ;)

One Piece live action is total slop. Just made me want to reread the series instead more than anything

Quinn builds worst Regent deck ever, asked to leave the Spire

Slay the Spire 2: game of the year this year and also every subsequent year???

Oscars #2: It was never going to happen, but Hawke deserved the Oscar just for actually circling back to a project he was once too young to do justice. One of the best limited location movies ever? Blue Moon : Extended New York Universe Edition boxd.it/dxaY6J

Upset I didn’t get tickets to this but very funny to think about all the people that were gonna meet Sheryl Lee after the screening and say things like “you saved my life” and “your performance made me feel seen for the first time” having to meet Ray Wise instead.

The best part of Oscars season being over is that I don't have to see film opinions from people who watch maybe two movies a year for at least another ten months.

What were they cooking???

in hs i was making fun of guys who think soy estrogenizes you and a classmate was like “it literally does tho” and when I asked for proof went “between 2 and 4 years old, my uncle would take care of me. every time I saw him he made me drink soy milk. i started lactating as a toddler so”

in the future the president will wear a "poop umbilicus" which is like a diaper with a tube and vacuum system that sucks the poop/pee into a tank. they walk around outside wearing only that as clothes in a circle of 50 foot radius (thats the length of the tube) picking up big rocks and throwing them

we need a president who says into the press mic "wow. thank got its friday. I need to eat poop shower sleep watch tv drive my car go to the store poop (diarrhea this time) walk around my house piss in the toilet water the plants get grubhub play playstation scratch my ass and fart!!!"

I’m sorry but I saw the tv glow is not one of the top 10 greatest films of all time that’s crazy talk. Take the first 2 films off and this is a pretty great list though.

loved the message dude. the little face at the end... fantastic. an "emoji", i assume. does he represent you or me?