No, it thinks you give a shit about how you look, mate, and obs you don't.

NIGE TOLD ME BREXIT WAS GOING FIX IT.

Hi we're from Reform and we were in the Swan and Swastika having a pint last night and had a brilliant idea nobody else trying to fix the NHS has ever had.

Had a letter from Reform telling me they're going to fix the NHS.

Tops my list of things unserious politicians promise.

It's a shame that Arne Slot doesn't give as much thought to what he can do to change what is happening on the pitch as he does to bitching at the 4th official about past events.

Directing a tsunami of traffic at a website in an attempt to drown it.

I couldn't open my mouth for 18 hours afterwards.

He'd be better served by sending a competent negotiator.

Also have a tried and tested method of cramming an entire pouch of Jelly Tots into the average sized mouth.

But if you need advice on how to program a late 90s Roland studio synth to sound like your favourite Depeche Mode song...BOOM.

Which is a fuck of a lot.

I at least am smart enough to know what I don't know.

Plastic Catholics arguing theology day it is then.

I'm a fucking delight and I fight anyone who says different.

Pissoirs are a French thing too so get welding.

I see Melania's thrown a few logs on the fire.

p.s. I wonder why she always insists on having her hair styled so it looks like it might actually be growing from her armpits up to her head.

No you don't mate. You just like to imagine you do because it makes you feel less insignificant.

I'm old too. I've seen your kind of self-mythologising self-regard far too often. You should start a cult, maybe you'll get some worshippers.

Truth is you're a woefully overindulged crank who trawls the internet for things that accord with your preconceptions and prejudices and that's all the truth you need. You call it reality, and pour scorn on those who won't swallow it.

Everyone needs someone to look down on, don't they?

Oh mate. It might be best if you assume you have fuck all of value to teach anyone about life. I know you think you're special. I know you think you've been given a secret gift of grace that allows you to see to the heart of the truth. I know you think you're indispensable.

Oooo a clairvoyant crank.

Oh my God, you're an A grade fantasist.

Why the fuck are you posting anonymously, Mr Reality?

Pakistan currently massaging its temples and ignoring the phone.

Pakistan currently rubbing its temples.

That's me trying to think of a premium luxury name for my fledgling Macaroni penguin walking tour for the rest of the day.

Another great day for the 'war is a bad thing' intoners.

Oh yeah, I hadn't thought of that. Thanks.

Good to know that if you were PM you'd put playing to the crowd top of your list of priorities rather than working behind the scenes to try and do what you can to diffuse the situation. You're doing Corbynism. But much, much dumber.

How many beautifully worded social media condemnations of Trump's rhetoric will it take to make him finally see sense?

Lest we forget when Corbynite Twitter celebrated the impending election of their beloved but couldn't be arsed to actually vote.