Returning Jesus Christ Downed By U.S. Missile Defense 30,000 Feet Before Making Landfall

Returning Jesus Christ Downed By U.S. Missile Defense 30,000 Feet Before Making Landfall

I don’t know how else to explain this…if you’re cheering for someone else’s rights to be taken away, you’re cheering for your own to disappear too. This isn’t cake. You don’t get more by refusing to share. Either everyone has rights, or no one really does. Thats it. It’s simple.

Due to inflation the fresh hell will be replaced with imitation hell

The Onion Magazine: Acts Of Profound And Unspeakable Evil Get A Bad Rap: Do They Really Deserve It?

The Onion Magazine:

Acts Of Profound And Unspeakable Evil Get A Bad Rap: Do They Really Deserve It?

A movement is calling for an 'economic blackout' on Friday. Here's what to know The People's Union USA, a grassroots group, is calling on Americans to join a national boycott by not shopping for 24 hours on Friday.

The People's Union USA, a grassroots group, is calling on Americans to join a national boycott by not shopping for 24 hours on Friday.

Trying not to use FAANG services while browsing the internet feels quite a bit like playing dodgeball on a cobblestone street while trying not to step on any cracks.

OK, so, I'm TECHNICALLY using Google Takeout today, which is a google service.

But I'm using it to replace Google Photos with Ente Photos.

De-googling my life seems in line with a boycott, right?

Bully: Defend yourself

Me: I'm idealistic and prone to whimsy but still need to function in the real world?

don’t know who needs to hear this but empathy doesn’t require eagerness. you don’t have to be excited about helping other people, you do it because it’s right and because the alternatives are worse

Fun fact: As Republicans prepare to cut the entire budget of Medicaid, millions will lose health care, but also 5.6 million live in custodial care or have assisted living paid by Medicaid. 5.6 million with no $ & no one to care for them. That's not cost cutting, that's genocide.

Reddit is currently down for me too, in case nobody asked me.

The fact that so many people in the world feel angry and sad makes me feel angry. And sad.

The dude said Rohypnol would help me get laid, but it just makes me sleepy and forgetful.

Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager managing an imaginary menagerie.

One time, a man who cuts open scrotums for a living told me he thought circus life must be really interesting.

Its more important to be kind than to be right, as long as those idiots KNOW you're right.

What I lack in youth I make up for in immaturity.

At what point during pregnancy do you believe life begins? Also, favorite omelet recipe?

Grow up

Seventeen seventy-six? Is that a reboot of 13 going on 30?

Recipe book cover mockup. Vibrant photo of food ona slate grey counter. Tomatoes, limes, street tacos, a red enamel skillet with beans, chili peppers, salsa, corn tortillas stuffed with picadillo. A graphic effect in the center appears to reveal text by tearing this photo. The text reads "HOW TO COOK LIKE THE PEOPLE YOU JUST DEPORTED Authentic ethnic flavors for bigots who don't deserve them"

Elon Musk airlifted to the hospital with severe burns after attempting to impregnate a toaster YouTube video by The Onion

Elon Musk airlifted to the hospital with severe burns after attempting to impregnate a toaster

Nazis: "that's a nazi salute"

Historians: "that's a nazi salute"

Average person: "that's a nazi salute"

The Media: "Elon Musk makes odd gesture throwing his heart to the crowd."

Me: I know pantyhose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone

Teller: So is this not a robbery?

Me: No, it is

Photo of a small crab from NOAA’s social media. It’s covered in spikes

Just making sure that everyone is aware of this crab that NOAA scientists found

After years of pressure from everyone I know, I've decided to download and join TikTok. Probably this weekend. Any advice for someone in the US who's just getting started?

I refinanced my auto loan to a much lower interest rate, and I've been GLOWING all day long. Truly, I have never felt more like a 42 year old adult than right now. What a silly thing to be happy about.

Ten plugs in this Dealership Service Lounge, and none of them are USB-C.

I love purple and blue colored hair because it’s a strong likelihood that person is not a fascist simp who sucks farts from billionaire buttholes.